Order and Chaos
by Kira 47
Summary: A/U end to Unimatrix Zero. When Voyager is unable to rescue her, Captain Janeway faces her worst nightmare. **NOW COMPLETE**
1. The Best Laid Plans

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story begins right near the end of "Unimatrix Zero".  If you haven't seen the episode…WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING?!?!  (Ahem)  I mean, I highly recommend it.  IMHO, one of the best Voyager eps ever put together. 

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER ONE: THE BEST LAID PLANS…

The Borg Queen's agitation began to show as she observed the various displays on the monitors in front of her.  She watched as the shields began to fail on the cube, then went down.  Voyager would be able to rescue their away team.  The away team that had disrupted her Collective.

She smiled demonically, then cocked her head to the side as she conveyed her orders to the drones on the cube.

*

Chakotay could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he watched the Borg cube that was under attack.  "Harry?"

"I've got them!" he announced triumphantly.  "Energizing!"

*

Captain Janeway closed her eyes with relief as she felt the transporter beam engulf her.

The relief did not last long.

She felt a change in the beam, and when she opened her eyes she discovered that she was still on the Borg cube.  Or at least, she was mostly on the Borg cube -- everything in her field of vision was shadowy and distorted, like she was halfway through transport.

*

Harry's console beeped at him, and he frowned.  "Something's wrong."

Chakotay moved quickly over to Ops.  "What is it?"

"I've got Tuvok and B'Elanna, but something's blocking the Captain's transport."

His blood ran cold.  "Can you compensate?"

"I'm trying."  He worked furiously as the tension on the bridge mounted.  "I'm losing her pattern!"

*

The Captain looked on in horror as B'Elanna dematerialized in front of her.  She reached over, but her hand grasped only air as the transporter beam faded.  After a few seconds, her surroundings cleared and she felt herself materialize completely on the Borg cube.

"No!" she yelled.

*

Chakotay's knuckles turned white as he gripped the edge of the Ops station.  "Transporter room, do you have them?"

_We've got Lieutenant Torres and Commander Tuvok, sir._

He turned back to Harry.  "The Captain?"

Harry worked frantically for a few seconds before he looked up.  "I can't get a lock on her."

*

Captain Janeway tried to subdue her panic and think clearly.  She had to get to the shield controls.  Or the transporter.  There had to be some way of getting off the cube.

_You underestimate me, Captain. I don't intend to let you get away that easily._

The voice of the Borg Queen in her mind made her blood run cold.

_The neural suppressant, she thought, her mind racing.  __It's wearing off._

*

The Borg Queen smiled, feeling her horror.  "We have adapted."

*

Korok ducked as a nearby station exploded, sending two of his men flying across the room.

_Voyager to Korok.  Captain Janeway is still aboard the cube.  We can't get  a lock on her._

"I'll see what I can do."  He grunted at one of his men as another console exploded.

"They are remodulating their shields around that section," he reported.  "Our sensors can't penetrate it."

Another explosion ripped through the room.

"Shields are failing!" yelled a woman next to Korok.

"The power matrix is destabilizing!" yelled one of the ex-drones.

"Prepare to -- "

Korok never got a chance to finish his sentence as the cube's next shot penetrated to the heart of the sphere.  The massive explosion ripped the ship apart as it expanded and the sphere exploded in a ball of fire, sending debris everywhere.

*

Satisfaction radiating from her face, the Borg Queen watched the remnants of the sphere disperse.  She turned to one of the other monitors.

"Bring her to me."

*

The entire bridge crew looked on in mute horror at the remains of the Borg sphere.  Voyager rocked slightly from the shockwave, then jolted as the Borg cube fired on them.

"Shields at 32 percent!" yelled Lieutenant Ayala at Tactical.

"Harry!"

"I'm trying!  They've erected some kind of dampening field."

One of the EPS conduits at the back of the bridge exploded, and smoke poured from one of the vents hanging from the ceiling.

"Forward shields are down!" shouted Ayala.  "I'm rerouting power!"

"We can't stay here!" yelled Tom from the helm.

"There's a transwarp corridor opening directly in front of the cube," reported Ayala.

Before Chakotay had a chance to react, the cube entered the corridor and disappeared.

*

Captain Janeway felt the cube accelerate to transwarp, and she leaned back against the wall in despair.

She could feel the nanoprobes moving through her system, slowly assimilating her tissues…and her thoughts.  She looked around sharply for the source of the faint whispers she could hear before she realized with horror that she was hearing the thoughts of other drones.

She leaned forward with her hands on her knees, feeling physically sick.  The whispers gradually grew louder, more confused.

One voice cut through them all.  _Do not fear perfection, Captain._

She gasped, putting her hands to her head in an effort to shut the voices out.

*

The Borg Queen smiled demonically, relishing the moment.  "Resistance," she cooed, "Is futile."

*

The voices grew exponentially.  They became thunderous, chaotic.

She could feel herself slipping away.  She was losing control.

"I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager!" she yelled to the corridors of the cube.

_We are the Borg, responded the voices._

"No!" she screamed in anguish.

_Resistance is futile.  Your biological distinctiveness will be added to our own.  Our minds will become one._

"No," she said, her voice fading.  "I am Captain…Captain…"

She slowly slid down the wall and slumped to the floor.

"Chakotay," she whispered hoarsely. "Help me."

Slowly, the emotion in her eyes faded and she stared blankly ahead at the wall.

*    *    *

Chakotay paced furiously back and forth at the head of the conference room table.  "Seven, is there any way we can track the cube?"

"Not with our present resources."

He moved back to the table and leaned forward.  "What do we need?"

"A transwarp coil…or direct access to a Borg cube.  One that is still under the control of the hive mind."

The entire senior staff looked even more despondent at these seemingly impossible options.

"We've infiltrated Borg cubes before," insisted Tom.  "We can do it again."

"That would be unwise," said Seven.  "We have just dealt the Collective a crippling blow.  It seems likely the Queen would be even more vigilant than usual where Voyager is concerned.  She will be looking for revenge."

"Don't you think she'll have more important things to worry about right now?" asked Harry.  "There are thousands of drones no longer under her control."

"I disagree.  We were unable to get a lock on the Captain because of a dampening field the Borg erected."

"So?" said Chakotay, not seeing the connection.

"It was erected _only around the Captain.  The Queen made sure she remained on the cube.  She will expect a rescue attempt."_

"You're not suggesting we do nothing?" demanded Tom incredulously.

Seven's expression softened slightly.  "I have no intention of abandoning the Captain.  But unless we proceed with caution we could all be assimilated."

"What about contacting other members of the resistance?" suggested Neelix.  "They might be able to track her down."

"Since Unimatrix Zero was destroyed, I have no way of communicating with the rest of the resistance."

"Harry, you and Seven get to work and see if you can find some way of tracking her.  Or at the very least, see if you can contact her.  Tell her we're looking for her."

Seven nodded her acceptance, and Chakotay looked slowly around the half-empty table.  The absence of B'Elanna, Tuvok, and especially the Captain was keenly felt.

"I'm sure the Captain would have something inspirational to say to you," he began.  "But I don't even know where to start.  She has faith in each and every one of you, and so do I.  We're not going to quit until we get her back."

They looked back at him with determination in their eyes, and somehow he knew they would succeed.

"Dismissed."

*    *    *

The turbolift doors opened, and Chakotay stepped out and walked down the corridor to Sickbay.

The Doctor was running a scan of Tuvok, but he stopped when he saw Chakotay.

"How are they doing?"

"Not bad, considering they let themselves be assimilated."  His surly demeanor evaporated when he saw Chakotay's serious expression.  "Lieutenant Torres is recovering, but Commander Tuvok will need more time."

Chakotay looked at B'Elanna's sleeping form.  "How long until she can return to duty?"

"I'd like her to remain in Sickbay for at least another two weeks."  He sighed.  "But I imagine she'll be back on duty by well before then."

"We need all the help we can get."

The Doctor set down his PADD, his expression grim.  "Have you had any luck in tracking down the Captain?"

"I'm afraid not."

He was silent for a moment, then walked over to a table and picked up a Borg implant.  "I may be able to recover information from the implants I extracted from Lieutenant Torres and Tuvok.  It might give us a clue to the Captain's whereabouts."

"Good work, Doctor.  Keep me informed."

*    *    *

The Borg Queen observed the activity of the Collective on the monitor.

"Spatial grid 447.  Sphere 137.  I can no longer hear their thoughts."  She thought for only a fraction of a second.  "Initiate self-destruct."

She frowned when nothing happened, then turned to another monitor.

"Spatial grid 434.  Cube 589.  Alter course to intercept."  Her eyes blazed.  "Destroy them."

Her attention was drawn from those concerns when the doors at the other end of the room opened and three drones walked in.  They approached her, then waited patiently.  She nodded for the two flanking drones to step back, then moved closer to the center drone.

"Captain.  How nice of you to join us."  

Captain Janeway stared blankly ahead.  

The Queen traced her finger along the Captain's cheek.  "How does if feel to be a part of perfection?"

She made no response.

This made the Queen smile as she stepped back and circled the Captain.  "What is your designation?"

"Four of Seven, secondary adjunct of Unimatrix 425."

"What was your former designation?"

The Captain blinked once as she processed the query.  "Former designations are irrelevant."

The Queen continued circling and brought up an image of Voyager on the viewscreen.  "Voyager is looking for you," she hissed.  "It won't be long before they determine your cortical implant frequency and begin scanning for it.  How should we adapt?"

"Establish a modulating dampening field to mask the frequency," responded the Captain neutrally.

The Queen smiled.  "Voyager could still pose a significant tactical threat.  What should we do with them?"

The Captain coldly observed her ship on the monitor in front of her.  "Federation vessel.  Intrepid class.  USS Voyager," she stated mechanically.  "One hundred and forty-one life forms.  Their biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own."

"And what if they resist assimilation?"

"Resistance is futile."

The smile widened as she stepped back.  "I think I'm going to enjoy having you here, Captain."


	2. Trial and Error, Part I

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER TWO: TRIAL AND ERROR, PART I

_First Officer's Log, Stardate 54039.5  It's now been ten days since our confrontation with the Borg.  Seven of Nine and Ensign Kim have been continuing their attempts to locate the Captain or the cube we encountered.  Unfortunately, they have yet to make any progress._

Harry looked up as Chakotay entered Astrometrics.

"Anything yet?"

Harry shook his head and returned to his work.

Chakotay moved over to stand beside him, and Harry glanced sideways at him.  He looked like hell.

"Have you slept at all, Commander?"

"Not really."

Harry sighed.  "Me neither.  I don't think anyone has since this whole thing started."

"We'll get her back, Harry," said Chakotay with a confidence he didn't feel.

Harry's console beeped at him.

"What is it?"

Harry's eyes widened.  "We've got it.  The frequency of the Captain's cortical implant."

Chakotay felt his heart leap into his throat.  "What?  How?"

"The holographic transmission from the Borg.  I was able to isolate the frequency from the signal."

"Begin scanning for it.  Use any personnel you need."

"Yes, sir," replied Harry, his voice tinged with hope for the first time in days.

Chakotay watched as Harry began scanning the surrounding sectors.  _Hang on, Kathryn.  _

*    *    *  

"I will not _calm down!" yelled B'Elanna furiously.  _

The Doctor was standing in front of her, trying to stop her from leaving.  "Lieutenant, I want to keep you here for observation for a few more days."

"You've already kept me caged up in here for ten days!  I'm needed in Engineering!"

"You're in no condition to --"

"Don't tell me how to do my job!" snapped B'Elanna, pacing back and forth.

"What's going on?" asked Chakotay as he entered Sickbay and moved towards them.

The Doctor turned around with a sigh of relief.  "Commander.  Perhaps you can talk some sense into her.  She seems to be immune to reason."

She continued pacing, her agitation increasing.  "How can you expect me to sit here when the Captain is still on that cube?" she demanded.

"Seven and Harry are working on scanning for her cortical implant frequency, but they haven't had any luck."

"I can't just sit here and do nothing!" she yelled, emotion creeping into her voice.

"B'Elanna…"

"There has to be something -- "  She cried out in pain and her knees gave out from under her.  Chakotay caught her and he and the Doctor helped her back to the bed.

The Doctor quickly scanned her with a tricorder.  "You've ruptured a disk in your spinal column.  No doubt from moving around against my advice."

B'Elanna was in too much pain to argue with him as they helped her lay down on the bed.  The Doctor applied a hypospray to her neck, and she relaxed as the drugs flowed through her system.

"B'Elanna.  We're working on getting her back.  And the faster you recover, the faster you can help us."

"I'm sorry, Chakotay.  I didn't mean…I know you're doing everything you can to find her."

"Get some rest.  That's an order."

*    *    *

Harry and Seven looked up as Chakotay entered the cargo bay.  The room was strewn with the debris from Korok's ship that they had recovered.

"What have you got?" he asked.

"We've found a part of the transwarp coil," Harry informed him, handing him a piece of Borg equipment.

He turned it over in his hands.  "Not functional?"

"No," said Seven.  "However, we have recovered enough components that I may be able to construct one myself."

Chakotay looked up in surprise.  "You could build a working transwarp coil?  I didn't think that was possible."

"Normally, it's not.  But most of the required components are undamaged."

"I thought when Borg vessels were critically damaged the essential components self-destructed."

"The sphere wasn't under the control of the hive mind," Harry reminded him.

"I believe it is worth the attempt," added Seven.  She handed him a PADD as Harry took the salvaged component back from him.  "Ensign Kim and I have run five holodeck simulations."

"The first two didn't work," elaborated Harry, "But the last three went without a hitch."

He was stunned.  "This is incredible work, Seven."

Seven took the praise with no reaction other than a raised eyebrow.  "I only hope it will help us rescue the Captain."

*    *    *

_First Officer's log, Stardate 45064.6 - Seven and Harry are nearly ready to test their transwarp coil.  We've determined that it's not feasible to equip Voyager with the makeshift coil  so I've ordered them to prepare the new Delta Flyer instead._

Tom and B'Elanna were the last ones to take their seats around the conference table.  As soon as they were seated, Chakotay leaned forward purposefully on his elbows and began the briefing.

"Seven, Harry.  How close are you?"

"We should be ready to install the coil in the Flyer within forty-eight hours," reported Seven.

"We could be looking at a test flight in the next three or four days," Harry added.

"Good work."

"I don't mean to be a wet blanket," said Tom, "But how are we going to find the Captain once we've got transwarp capability?  If I remember correctly, the coil is only good for a few jumps."

"Lieutenant Paris is correct," concurred Tuvok.  "We have been unsuccessful in scanning for the Captain's cortical implant frequency.  How do you propose to locate her before the coil becomes useless?"

Chakotay turned to Seven and Harry.  "Well?"

Harry sighed.  "We haven't exactly figured that out yet."

"What if," suggested B'Elanna, leaning forward on the table, "We infiltrated a Borg cube?  We could use their own systems to locate the Captain."

"Infiltrating a Borg cube would be highly dangerous, Lieutenant," said Tuvok.  "We have managed to escape in our previous encounters.  We may not be so fortunate next time."

"And some of us," B'Elanna retorted, "Weren't that fortunate last time.  I'm willing to take the risk."

"That may not be necessary," interrupted Seven.

She instantly had the undivided attention of the room.

"I believe the Captain is in Unimatrix One."

"What is your basis for that conclusion?" asked Tuvok after a long silence.

"The Queen went to great lengths to prevent us from rescuing her.  I believe she would want to keep the Captain near her."

"To gloat, in a sense," guessed Chakotay.

"Yes.  The Captain was responsible for allowing the drones in Unimatrix Zero to be liberated.  Having her as a drone in Unimatrix One will feed the Queen's desire for revenge."

"The Captain's her consolation prize for losing the drones in Unimatrix Zero," said Tom with disgust.

"Precisely."

The staff nodded in agreement, and all eyes turned to Tuvok, the most likely to object to her reasoning, and Chakotay, the one who had the final say.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow.  "Your logic…is sound."

Chakotay nodded as well after a few seconds.  "Unimatrix One it is.  All right -- let's get to work."

*    *    *

"Powering thrusters," said Tom as the Delta Flyer slowly lifted off the floor of the shuttle bay.

"Preparing to bring the coil online," reported Harry from the engineering console behind him.

_Chakotay to the Delta Flyer._

"Go ahead, Commander."

_You're cleared for launch._

"Understood.  Clearing the shuttle bay…now."

_Keep it short, Paris.  And bring the shuttle back in one piece._

"You got it," said Tom as he reached for one of the other controls.  "Paris out."  He swiveled his chair and looked over at Harry and Seven in the back of the shuttle.  "Are you sure this is going to work?"

"No," said Seven candidly.

"Great," he muttered, turning back to the helm.  "Powering up the warp engines."

"We will need to achieve a velocity of warp two," Seven reminded him.

"I know.  I've done this before."

Seven raised an eyebrow but made no comment.

"Engaging at warp 1," said Tom, and seconds later the Delta Flyer jumped to warp.  Voyager followed close behind.

"I'm bringing the main deflector online," reported Harry.

"Powering up the transwarp coil," added Seven, seated at the engineering station behind Harry.

"Warp 2…warp 2.5," reported Tom.

"Activating the coil and the main deflector," said Harry.

"The tachyon matrix is stable," said Seven.  "I'm detecting the formation of a subspace field directly ahead."

"I see it," said Tom.  "Holding steady at warp 2.6."

"The subspace field is increasing," said Harry.

Alarms suddenly went off at Seven's station and the Flyer shuddered.

"What's going on?" asked Tom over his shoulder.

"The tachyon flow is becoming unstable," said Seven, an agitated undercurrent in her normally calm voice.

"Can you compensate?" asked Harry.

"I'm trying."

"I'm reading a neutrino buildup in the coil," said Harry.

"I don't understand!" said Seven, uncharacteristically frustrated.  "It should be working."

"I'm going to drop us out of warp," said Tom.

"No!" she insisted vehemently.  "I can stop it!"

"The subspace field is destabilizing," reported Harry.

"Seven -- " began Tom.

"I can stop it!"

The Flyer shuddered again.  "The subspace shear is increasing," said Tom.  "Structural integrity at 74 percent."  Another jolt.  "62 percent."

_Voyager to Delta Flyer.  What's going on?_

"The coil is destabilizing the main deflector," said Tom.  "Seven's trying to regulate the tachyon flow."

The Flyer shook again and Tom nearly lost control.  

"We can't keep this up!"

Harry turned around to face her.  "Seven!  Shut it down!"

She was working furiously at her console.  "I can -- "

She was cut off by a massive explosion that ripped through the Flyer, taking out her station and sending sparks and smoke flying around the cabin.  All three of them were tossed around violently as the Flyer dropped out of warp.

_Warning -- hull breach detected.  Emergency forcefields are in place, said the computer._

Tom slowly pushed himself off his console.  Alarms were sounding, and he looked at his readouts.  "Looks like the coil overloaded.  It caused a hull breach near the cargo hold.  We're lucky the whole cabin didn't depressurize."

Harry made his way over to Seven, who was motionless on the floor near her station.  He turned her over and saw that she had severe burns over her face and upper body.

_Voyager to the Delta Flyer._

"Go ahead, Commander," said Tom as he ran a quick systems check on the Flyer.

_We're reading a hull breach.  Are you all right?_

"Harry and I are fine."  He glanced over his shoulder.  "Seven needs medical attention."

_Hang on, we'll beam her to Sickbay._

Harry stepped back, and a few seconds later Seven dematerialized.  Chakotay's voice came over the comm again shortly.

_Can you get the Flyer back to the shuttle bay?_

"Shouldn't be a problem," said Tom.  "I think I can take her in under her own power."

_Understood.  We're opening the shuttle bay doors._

Tom powered up the thrusters and turned the Flyer towards the waiting shuttle bay.

_Doctor to Lieutenant Paris.  __Please report to Sickbay as soon as you've docked.  I'll need your assistance in treating Seven._

"Acknowledged."

*

The Doctor didn't look up from Seven as Tom approached the surgical bay.

"20 milligrams inaprovaline," was his only acknowledgement, with an outstretched hand.

Tom handed him the hypospray.  "How's she doing?"

"She has second degree burns to her upper body and one of her cranial implants was severely damaged.  Cortical stimulator."

Tom handed him the instrument.  "An EPS conduit exploded right next to her station."

"So it would appear.  She's fortunate to be alive.  Laser scalpel."

"We're all lucky to be alive.  The coil overloaded and caused a core breach."

The Doctor gently peeled back a section of blistered skin from Seven's forehead to expose the damaged implant.  "I'll have to bypass the damaged micro circuitry."  He reached for an instrument behind him and held it over the exposed implant.  "She also has second-degree burns to her alveoli.  Begin regenerating the lung tissue while I stabilize the implant."

*    *    *

"How's Seven?" asked Chakotay to begin the morning briefing.

"She's stable," the Doctor informed him.  "We treated most of her burns and I managed to repair the damage to her implants.  She'll need to regenerate for at least another 48 hours."

Chakotay nodded, then turned to B'Elanna and Harry.  "What happened?"

"We're still not quite sure," said Harry.  "It looks like one of the relays in the coil might have been damaged.  It destabilized the tachyon flow when we brought the coil online."

"Why wasn't it detected before the test flight?"

"We don't know," offered B'Elanna.  "It didn't show up in any of our scans or the simulations.  It might not have been obvious until we actually powered it up."

"It's also possible that the relay wasn't damaged until we brought it online. It may just have been weakened, and trying to use the coil damaged it."

"Is there any way we can repair it?"

B'Elanna and Harry looked at each other in disappointment.  "No," she said simply.  "It's hopeless.  It doesn't look like we'll be able to use it again."

A heavy silence settled around the table.  Chakotay rose from his chair and walked around, staring out the window.  "Suggestions?"

"What about getting another coil?" offered Neelix.  "B'Elanna suggested infiltrating a Borg cube."

"That would be extremely dangerous," said Tuvok.

Chakotay turned back to the table decisively, resting his hands on the back of his chair.  "We're running out of options.  Harry, start scanning the sector for signs of any Borg activity.  Get Seven to help you as soon as she's recovered.  Tuvok, I want you to prepare tactical scenarios.  B'Elanna, you need to find the quickest way of getting a coil off a cube without getting caught."

"Commander," interjected Tuvok, "I must object.  Attempting to infiltrate a Borg cube would be inadvisable.  It would put the crew at great risk."

"Objection noted."

"Commander -- "

"I know it's risky, but I'm not going to give up on the Captain."

"I doubt Captain Janeway would approve of you risking the entire crew to rescue her."

"Right now I don't give a damn if she would approve or not."  His voice had grown louder, and he took a few seconds to take a deep breath and calm down.  "I'm not going to sacrifice Voyager to get her back…but I am willing to take risks.  Understood?"

Tuvok raised an eyebrow but nodded curtly.

Chakotay looked back at the rest of the crew.  "Anything else?"  

When nobody spoke up, he nodded.  

"Dismissed."


	3. Trial and Error, Part II

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER THREE: TRIAL AND ERROR, PART II

Chakotay looked up from his PADD when the chime to the ready room sounded.  He still wasn't used to this side of the desk -- he had used Kathryn's ready room on many occasions when he was in command, but it felt different somehow.

"Come," he said, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind.

Tuvok entered and took a few steps towards the desk.  "You wanted to see me, Commander?"

Chakotay set his PADD down and leaned back in the chair.  "Have a seat."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow.  "I prefer to stand."

"Fine," said Chakotay, his face clouding over at the subtle insubordination.

He took a few seconds to gather his thoughts before addressing the security chief.  "You don't agree with my decision to attempt infiltrating a Borg cube."

"I do not believe that Captain Janeway would want us to risk the entire crew to rescue her."

"I appreciate your objections, and I know how highly the Captain values your opinion…but in the future I would appreciate it if you voiced them in private.  Until we get the Captain back, I'm in command and I expect you to obey my orders whether you agree with them or not.  Is that clear?"

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Always."

"I believe you are allowing your feelings for the Captain to cloud your judgment.  You are putting the crew at unnecessary risk."

Chakotay rose from his chair and took quick, agitated steps around the desk.  "Not all of us can turn our emotions off with the flick of a switch, Tuvok," he said sharply.  "Kathryn's somewhere in the heart of Borg territory, probably assimilated by now."  He took a deep breath and measured his words carefully.  "I'm not going to abandon her…and I'll do everything short of destroying this ship to get her back."  He stepped closer, standing with his face inches apart from Tuvok's.  "And you know she would do the same for any one of us."

"I have long been aware of the Captain's tendency for reckless behavior."

"I'm going to take every precaution, Tuvok.  The Captain asked me to keep Voyager in one piece and that's what I intend to do.  Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

Tuvok started to leave, but Chakotay addressed him again.

"Tuvok?  One more thing.  My _feelings where the Captain is concerned…are none of your business."_

*   *   *

Tom entered Engineering, his eyes roaming the room.  A smile broke out on his face when they found the object of their search, and he walked over to stand behind B'Elanna at her station.  She didn't notice him, and he leaned forward and put his mouth next to her ear.

"Would you care for dinner?" he asked softly, reaching around to show her the bottle of wine in his hand.

She started and turned around.

"I thought you might want to take a break," he explained with a dashing smile.

"Not now, Tom," she said, more sharply than she intended.  Seeing the his hurt expression, she softened.  "But thank you."

She stepped around him and moved across the room.  He followed her.

"B'Elanna, you've been on duty for almost fifteen hours.  You've barely stopped working for the last two days."

She didn't look at him as she moved from console to console, taking a PADD from Ensign Ashmore as she walked.  "We're still trying to repair the coil."

He stopped walking.  "I thought you said it was hopeless."

A hint of a smile appeared on her lips as she made a few alterations to the PADD and handed it back to Ashmore.  "It just so happens that 'hopeless' is my specialty."  She turned to look at him.  "It's possible the relays aren't as damaged as we originally thought.  Remotely possible…but possible."

Lieutenant Nicoletti approached her with another PADD.  She examined it and nodded in approval.  "Keep running the simulations.  I want to get the tachyon flow up another fifteen percent before we move to the next step."

"Come on, B'Elanna," said Tom as soon as Nicoletti moved off.  "You're not going to get anything figured out on empty stomachs and no sleep."

She wavered but moved over to work at a console on the wall.

He stepped behind her and kissed her softly at the base of her neck.  She tried to shrug him  off, but he was persistent.

"I've got fettuccine alfredo for two keeping warm in my replicator," he said, his voice muffled by her neck.

She sighed, then turned around and put her hand on the side of his face, leaning forward to kiss him quickly on the lips.  He broke out in a huge grin and grabbed her hand, dragging her out of Engineering.

"Carey?" she yelled as he pulled her towards the doors.  "I'm going to call it a day.  Keep running the scans on those power relays."

She barely heard his affirmative as Tom pulled her out the doors.

*    *    *

 Chakotay was pleasantly surprised to find Seven in Sickbay when he entered.  She was sitting on a biobed while the Doctor scanned her.

"Seven.  I stopped by to get an update on your condition from the Doctor.  How are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you Commander."

"Good as new," pronounced the Doctor.  "I'd still like to keep an eye on that cranial implant that was damaged.  Let me know if you experience any problems with it."

She nodded, and the Doctor moved back towards his office.

"Have we been able to determine what went wrong with the transwarp coil?" asked Seven.

"Harry and B'Elanna think the power relays were damaged.  It destabilized the tachyon flow.  There was no way we could have used it."

"I apologize, Commander.  I should have been more thorough in my inspection of it."

"It's not your fault.  You had no way of knowing."

"It was selfish.  We should have run more simulations."

He frowned.  "Selfish?  What do you mean?"

"I was too focused on rescuing the Captain to consider the possible risks to Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Paris.  My behavior was reckless.  We could all have been killed."

"That's not selfish, Seven.  We're all worried about the Captain.  And we're all taking a few more risks that usual.  Myself included."

"It was selfish because I feel responsible for the Captain's abduction.  I was attempting to alleviate my guilt by rescuing her."

"Responsible?  I don't understand."

Seven was visibly uncomfortable.  "It was at my insistence that the Captain became involved with Unimatrix Zero.  If it wasn't for me, Voyager would not have attempted to help them and the Captain would never have been on the cube in the first place."

Chakotay rested his hand on Seven's arm.  "Seven, you didn't force the Captain to become involved.  She decided on her own.  I'm not sure if you've noticed, but she usually doesn't need a lot of convincing to set her mind to something."

Seven smiled slightly.

"It wasn't your fault," he assured her.  "If it weren't for you and your friends in Unimatrix Zero, the entire away team could have been assimilated and Voyager could have been destroyed."

"If I hadn't gotten involved none of this would have happened."

"And we wouldn't have struck a crippling blow to the Collective.  We all knew what the price of victory might be.  I told the Captain that the safety of Voyager was a small price to pay for a real advantage against the Borg.  I still believe that.  The Borg may never recover from this."

"Neither will Voyager's crew if we are unsuccessful in our rescue attempts."

"Don't give up on Kathryn yet.  She's one of the strongest people I know.  We'll get her back."

If Seven was surprised at him using her given name, she didn't show it.  "Thank you, Commander."

"You can thank me by helping us track down the Captain."

*    *    *

B'Elanna settled herself on the couch next to Tom, a glass of wine in her hand.

"That was delicious," she said, leaning back with her head on his shoulder.

A silence fell over the room.  It was broken by Tom after a few minutes when he voiced what was undoubtedly on both their minds.

"Do you really think we can get that coil working again?"

She sighed.  "I'm afraid not to believe it.  This could be our only chance to rescue her."

"What about infiltrating a cube?"

"I don't think it's really feasible.  Seven's right -- the Queen will be watching us like a hawk.  She won't let us get away with stealing a coil."

He leaned forward and kissed her hair.  "We'll get her back, B'Elanna."

She reached over and took his hand, playing with his fingers.  "I should have done something," she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

He frowned and leaned forward to get a better look at her face.  "What are you talking about?"

"On the cube.  I was right beside the Captain when Harry tried to beam us out."

His eyes widened and filled with concern.  "You didn't tell me that!"

She continued stroking his hand.  "I was right next to her.  I saw her start to dematerialize, but when I arrived in the transporter room she wasn't there."

"B'Elanna…What could you have done?  Gotten yourself assimilated too?"

She didn't answer, and her eyes started to fill with tears.

Tom reached over and brushed her hair behind her ear.  "If the Captain were here, I'm sure she would tell you it wasn't your fault."

The tears broke free and began rolling down her cheeks.  She let out a sob and pressed her face into his shoulder.  He put his arms around her, and they sat in silence for a long time.

B'Elanna was the first one to move.  She lifted her head up from his shoulder and put her hand behind his head.  Before he had a chance to react, she pressed her lips against his.  His surprise lasted only for a few seconds before he kissed her back, gently taking the wine glass from her hand and putting it on the ledge behind the couch.  Her tongue pushed into his mouth, her lips exploring his.  He reached down and put his hands on her hips, pulling her lower on the couch.  She became more passionate, running her fingers frantically through his hair.  

They slowly moved lower and lower until she was flat on her back and all his weight was on top of her.  She eventually pulled her hands away from his head and thrust them in his uniform jacket, pushing it roughly off his shoulders and tossing it across the room.  She started to remove her uniform as well, and her jacket soon joined his on the floor.  She started on her turtleneck, but he pushed himself off her and sat up.  The sound of their heavy breathing filled the room.

"What?" she asked, pushing herself up on her elbows.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" he asked carefully.  "The Doctor warned you not to overexert yourself."

She reached up and grabbed him roughly by the shirt, pulling him back down on top of her.  They kissed for a long few seconds before he pulled away again, but with less determination than before.

"He also warned me that you shouldn't overexert yourself, for some reason," he said, short of breath. "He seemed to think I might have something do to with your…overexertion."

She smirked.  "Imagine that."

Any reply he might have made was silenced by her mouth covering his.

*    *    *

B'Elanna's shrill scream penetrated the quiet of the darkened room and she bolted upright in bed, her breathing shallow and irregular as she gasped for air.

Tom sat up immediately in the bed beside her.  "What is it?"  He rested his hand gently on her back.  "God, B'Elanna, you're shaking like a leaf!"

She didn't answer, pulling her knees close to her chest and resting her head on them.

Tom watched her in silence, gently stroking her back.  After a few minutes she slid closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.  He put his arms around her, and they stayed like that in the dark for a long time.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked gently after a while.

She pulled back and ran her fingers through her hair as she nodded.  "I was back on the cube."  She took a deep breath and turned to face him, relinquishing her hold on her knees and sitting cross-legged on the bed.  "There were people screaming…I could hear the Captain.  She was yelling for help.  I broke out of my restraints, but I couldn't find her.  I was running around the cube, but everything looked the same.  Her voice kept moving around.  Every time I got close, it jumped again.  I couldn't find her."

He reached over and pulled her into his arms, and she stroked the back of his neck with her hand.

They both jumped when the red alert sounded.  It only took them a few seconds to snap into action.  They were already half-dressed when Chakotay's voice came over the comm.

_Senior officers, report to your stations._

They hit the corridor at a run, but stopped when they came to the first intersection.  Tom reached around the back of her neck and gave her a brief kiss.  "Be careful."

She smiled, emotion shining from her dark eyes.  "You too, flyboy."

They couldn't spare more than a few seconds for the tender moment, and she turned and headed down the corridor for Engineering while Tom continued to the bridge.

He was the last member of the senior staff to arrive.  Tuvok and Harry were at their stations, Seven was standing behind the command chairs, and Chakotay was standing in the middle of the bridge looking grim.

"What's going on?" asked Tom as he walked over to the helm and relieved Ensign Baytart.

"We've detected a transwarp corridor opening approximately two million kilometers directly ahead," Seven informed him.

"Raise shields," Chakotay ordered to Tuvok over his shoulder.  "Harry, can you tell how many ships there are?"

"I can't get a clear reading through the subspace distortions."

"Power phasers and photon torpedoes.  Tom , we may need to get out of here in a hurry."

He swiveled his chair around.  "What about a transwarp coil?"

"We're not going to take on a fully armed cube."

"Something's emerging," said Harry.

The tension on the bridge mounted, and after a few seconds was justified by the emergence of a Borg cube from the distortion in the space ahead of them.

"Report," barked Chakotay.

"Their weapons are not powering," Tuvok told him.  "We are being scanned."

"Hold position."

Harry's console beeped and he looked up in surprise.  "Sir…they're hailing us."

Everyone on the bridge looked around at each other in confusion.

"Onscreen," said Chakotay slowly after a few seconds.

A Borg drone inside a cube appeared on the screen.  They were all perplexed when he smiled at them, but his eyes rested on someone in particular.  "Hello, Annika."

All eyes turned to Seven, whose face was drained of color.

"Axum," she breathed.


	4. Allies

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER FOUR: ALLIES

The bridge crew turned back to the screen in surprise as Axum's smile widened.  "Commander Chakotay, I presume?"

"That's right," he replied, regaining his composure.

Axum looked around the bridge.  "Where's Captain Janeway?"

Seven explained.  "We were unable to rescue her.  She is still with the Borg."

"Then I'm certain our assistance will be welcome.  May I transport to your ship?"

Chakotay glanced over his shoulder and indicated to Harry to mute the transmission.  "Comments?" he said, looking around the bridge.

"I think we can take him.  We'll have him outnumbered," quipped Tom from the helm, earning him a glare from Seven.

"Mr. Paris' sarcasm not withstanding," said Tuvok, "I do not believe it would be wise to allow him on board."

Chakotay turned to the station behind the command chairs.  "Seven?"

"We can trust him, Commander.  You have my word on it."

He stared at her for a few seconds before he nodded.  "That's good enough for me."  He nodded to Harry to restore the audio.  "We'll beam you over immediately."

"Thank you."

The transmission ended, and Chakotay started for the turbolift.  "Tuvok, Harry, Seven, you're with me.  Mr. Paris, you have the bridge."

"Yes, sir," snapped Tom.

"Security, report to transporter room two," ordered Tuvok.  Seven stared at him warily but made no objection as the turbolift doors closed.

*

"They're ready to beam over, sir," reported Ensign Lang at the transporter controls as the four officers entered.

"They?" repeated Chakotay with a glance at Seven.

The young ensign shifted uncomfortably.  "Yes, sir.  Axum requested that he bring two of his officers."

Two security officers entered the transporter room and stood behind the others.

"Energize," ordered Chakotay.

Axum and two other drones materialized on the transporter pad.  They immediately noticed the drawn weapons of the security team.

"You won't need those," said Axum, raising a hand.  "But I understand your caution.  I hope you'll realize it's not necessary."

Chakotay nodded at the security officers to lower their weapons.  "Welcome to Voyager."

"Thank you.  This is my first officer, Kor," he said, indicating the man to his left, "And my engineer M'Ahrel," he continued, motioning to the female drone on his right.

"I'm sorry to hear about your Captain," said M'Ahrel.  "How can we help you?"  Her voice would probably been very soft and gentle, but it was distorted by a vocal subprocessor.

"We've the Captain's cortical implant frequency," offered Harry, "But we haven't been able to locate her."

Seven finally tore her gaze away from Axum, glad for the distraction.  "I believe she is in Unimatrix One, with the Queen."

"She's probably established some kind of dampening field," suggested M'Ahrel.  "I'll help you try and neutralize it."

Harry nodded, and she stepped off the transporter pad and followed him out the door, escorted by one of the security guards.

"If your Captain is in Unimatrix One," said Kor, stepping off the platform as well, "You're going to need to penetrate their defenses."

Chakotay smiled slightly.  "I take it you have some assistance to offer?"

Kor nodded.  "Lead the way."

Chakotay started for the door, and Kor and the other security guard followed him.  Seven watched them leave, and Tuvok looked at her with a raised eyebrow. 

"I'll be fine, Commander," she assured him.

Tuvok glanced suspiciously at Axum, then reluctantly nodded for Ensign Lang to follow him as he left the room.

As soon as the doors slid shut, leaving them alone, Axum stepped off the transporter pad and approached her with a smile.  "Your crew is very protective of you."

She smiled back.  "They have adapted to my presence."

He stepped closer and reached up as if to brush her cheek, but recoiled when he saw the Borg implants on the back of his hand.  He drew his arm back towards him, and touched the tubes and implants on his arm self-consciously.  "I know I don't look the same as I did in Unimatrix Zero," he said hesitantly.

"Physical appearance is irrelevant."  Seven regarded him with compassion.  "However, our Doctor could attempt to remove your implants if it would make you feel more comfortable."

Their eyes locked and they stared at each other for a long time.

"I've been thinking about you," said Seven finally in a quiet voice.  "I wondered whether you had been able to gain control of your vessel."

"It took me longer than I expected."

"I'm glad you came."

The corners of his mouth slowly pulled up in a smile.  "I told you I would find you, Annika."

She stepped forward and embraced him fiercely, wrapping her arms around him.  Taken by surprise, he stood motionless for a few seconds then slowly put his arms around her.  His embrace was tentative at first, but then he gave in and pulled her close to him.

*    *    *

Most of the senior staff, along with Axum and his two officers, were gathered in the conference room.  The late hour was obvious in the dark circles under nearly everyone's eyes and the empty coffee cups scattered around the room.

"It's not feasible," repeated Axum for the third time.

Harry refused to listen.  "If we -- "

"Axum is right," interrupted M'Ahrel.  "It would take too long to build another coil, and we don't have any to spare.  We need to act now."

Chakotay and Kor were standing near one of the displays on the wall.  "What are our other options?" he asked.

"Our cube could tow Voyager into the corridor with a tractor beam," suggested Kor.

Chakotay turned to his side.  "B'Elanna?"

She cocked her head to the side, hands on her hips.  "It's possible," she said, lifting one hand up.  "We would need to reroute power to structural integrity to compensate for the strain, but I think it would work."

"Why can't we just follow the cube into the corridor?" asked Tom.

"You could," admitted Axum.  "But you would have no way to open another corridor on your own to escape."

"You're forgetting something," interrupted Seven.  "The Borg Queen will be watching for us.  If she sees a cube towing Voyager she will attack us immediately."

Axum agreed.  "There has to be some way to sneak past her."

"Voyager may be forced to remain here," said Tuvok.  "An away team could accompany your cube to Unimatrix One and return with the Captain."

"We'll have a greater chance of succeeding if we have two ships," protested Kor.

"But the Queen will detect Voyager instantly," said Harry.  "Unless you have a cloaking device I don't see how we can sneak by."

Axum looked up sharply and glanced at M'Ahrel.

She smiled slowly.  "We might be able to help you there."  She moved over to the display between Kor and Chakotay.  "We can give you the specifications for the Borg sensors.  If you remodulate your shields in precisely the right way, you should be all but invisible to the Queen."

"We tried that once before," said Tom.  "But they adapted."

"Not to these modulations, they haven't.  I invented them myself."

"How long would it last?" asked Seven.

She shrugged.  "Twenty minutes at the most.  Less if the Queen notices something suspicious."

"They'll still notice the tractor beam," pointed out B'Elanna, "Even if they can't see us."

They all considered this in silence.

"Maybe Tuvok's right," sighed Axum.  "Maybe the answer is to leave Voyager here where the Queen can't see it."

Icheb, who had so far observed the meeting in silence, finally saw a chance to contribute.  "A Trojan horse."

They looked at each other in confusion for a few seconds.

"An ancient Earth legend," he clarified.

He was still met with blank looks.  Chakotay was the first one to understand, and he nodded with a smile.

"I think we've found our way in."

*    *    *

Seven accompanied the three ex-drones to the transporter room, along with two security guards.

M'Ahrel and Kor stepped up on the transporter pad, but Axum lingered.

"Good luck," he said, reaching over to gently brush her arm with his fingers.

"You too," she replied with a small smile.

"We'll contact you when we're ready."

She nodded, but he still hesitated.  

"Are you sure you don't need my help here?" he asked.  "I know my ship better than anyone on your crew.  I may not have quite as much experience with Borg technology as you…"

"However, your knowledge is more recent than mine," Seven quickly added.

M'Ahrel glanced knowingly at Kor.  "I'm sure we can take care of things from our end, Axum."

He didn't look away from Seven.  "Are you sure?"

"We can contact you if there are any problems."

He nodded at them, and Seven turned to Crewman Nozawa.  "Energize."

The two figures on the platform dematerialized, and Seven turned to Axum.  "After this is over…perhaps we could spend some time together."

He motioned towards his implants.  "Like this?"

"The Doctor can restore your appearance."

He smiled sadly and looked down at the ground.  "Without my implants I wouldn't be able to function on the cube."

Her emotions were getting closer to the surface.  "You could remain on Voyager."

He shook his head.  "I can't leave my ship."

"You don't believe that Kor would be a competent leader?"

"No, I think he would make a wonderful leader.  That's not the point."

She stiffened.  "You plan to return to your vessel when our mission is complete."

"Come with me, Annika.  You could help me fight the Collective."

"I have spent the last three years trying to regain my individuality.  I have no desire to return to life on a Borg cube."

"We're not Borg anymore."

"I know…but Voyager is my home.  I won't leave."

"And I can't leave the resistance."

They stared at each other in silence, each determined yet wanting a compromise.

"We've been fortunate enough to find each other twice," said Seven quietly.  "It's unlikely we would be so lucky a third time."

Axum flashed her a wry smile.  "Haven't you ever heard of fate?"

"I prefer to take my fate in my own hands," she said curtly.

He sighed.  "I can't leave the resistance…and I can't ask you to live that kind of life.  We'll just have to trust that we will find each other again."

Before she had a chance to answer, they were interrupted by Harry over the comm.

_Kim to Seven of Nine._

"Yes, Ensign?"

_We're ready to start on those shield modifications.  We could use a hand down here._

"We're on our way."

There was a short pause.  _Did you say 'we'?_

She glanced at her companion.  "Axum has decided to remain on board and assist us."

Another short pause.  _Great, we can use an extra pair of hands._

"We'll be there shortly."


	5. The Siege of Troy

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER FIVE: THE SIEGE OF TROY

The Borg Queen's eyes roamed the monitors in front of her and she smiled with satisfaction.  Two more of the "liberated" vessels had been identified and eliminated the previous day.  All was as it should be in the Collective.

Her attention was drawn to the image on one of the monitors, a view of one of the transwarp corridors in the Unicomplex.

She cocked her head to the side. "Magnify."

The view zoomed in, but there didn't appear to be anything out of the ordinary.  Her suspicions, though, once aroused, were not easily removed, and she was sure there had been something out of place a few seconds ago.  She pulled up more views and sensor readings of the complex on the surrounding monitors.

Each time she thought she saw something, it disappeared.  Then it would reappear nearby.  Then disappear again.  It was frustrating.

It took her almost five minutes to find the renegade.  Unacceptable.

She zoomed in on a cube moving about in the Unicomplex.  Her eyes narrowed and she moved closer to the monitor.

"Why can't I hear your thoughts?" she asked the empty room.

She observed the cube's movements for a few moments.

"Eliminate them," she ordered the millions of voices under her command.

*

_Axum to Commander Chakotay._

"Go ahead."

_There are almost a dozen cubes on an intercept course.  We can't afford to wait any longer._

"Understood.  Red alert."  He took his seat as the lights on the bridge darkened.  "Bridge to all hands…battle stations."

"Bringing the shield modifications online," reported Seven from behind him.

Chakotay stared ahead at the eerie green glow given off by the interior of the Borg cube.  The large doors in front of them slowly opened, revealing the Unicomplex.

"Take us out, Tom," he ordered.

Tom maneuvered Voyager out the doors of Axum's cube and into the Unicomplex.

Chakotay rose from his chair and stood behind the helm, placing his hand on Tom's shoulder.  "Harry, start scanning for the Captain."

"There are over thirty cubes within a radius of two million kilometers," reported Tom as he navigated.

"Any sign they've detected us?"

"No.  They all seem to be converging on Axum's vessel.  I don't think they can see us."

"Keep on your toes, Lieutenant."

"Aye, sir."

*

The Borg Queen snapped her head around and glared at one of the monitors.  "Enhance grid 185. "

It had been there…just for a fraction of a second, it had been there.

She continued watching that area, and her vigilance paid off when it reappeared again momentarily.  Her eyes narrowed and her face filled with rage as she hissed a single word.

"Voyager."

*

Tom stiffened at the helm.  "There are three cubes closing in on our position."

Chakotay moved over to the helm.  "Have they seen us?"

"I'm not sure.  Adjusting our heading."  He waited a few seconds, then his frown deepened.  "They've adjusted course to follow."

Chakotay made his way over towards Seven and Harry.  "Anything?"

"Not yet," reported Harry.

"They're closing!"

"The ships are powering weapons," reported Tuvok.

"Hang on!" yelled Tom.

Two of the Borg cubes fired torpedoes, and they hit in quick succession, throwing most of the bridge crew off their feet.  One of the EPS conduits at the back of the bridge exploded and smoke was pouring from a vent in the ceiling.

"Report!" shouted Chakotay over the noise.

"Shields down to 79 percent," Tuvok told him.  "Hull breaches on decks 5 and 6.  Forcefields are holding."

The bridge shuddered again as another torpedo hit.

"Shields at 63 percent."

"Tom, evasive maneuvers.  Pattern beta three."

"Beta three," repeated Tom, and Voyager rolled to the left, avoiding the next volley of torpedoes.

"Return fire!"

Tuvok launched a spread of photon torpedoes and fired phasers.  "No effect."

"Harry, now would be a good time!"

"I can't locate the frequency," said Harry in frustration.

"The Queen knows we're here," said Seven.  "She is no doubt remodulating the dampening field around the Captain's cortical implant."

Harry's face lit up and he slapped his console with the palm of his hand.  "That's it!  She would expect us to scan for the cortical implant frequency."

"Ensign?" said Seven.

"I'm scanning for human biosigns," he explained, turning back to his station.

Seven frowned and turned around from her station.  "There are trillions of drones in the Unicomplex.  There could be hundreds or even thousands of humans among them."

"But we should be able to identify the cortical frequency on every human drone except one," said Harry as he worked furiously.

"Axum's cube has taken heavy damage," reported Tuvok.  "Their primary shields are failing."

"The cubes are closing in on us again," said Tom.

"They are firing!" warned Tuvok.

Chakotay fell to his knees when the torpedo connected.  He pulled himself back up.  "Damage?"

"Shields down to 59 percent," said Tuvok.  "Another hull breach on deck five.  No casualties reported."

Another torpedo hit.

"I'm trying to evade them," said Tom.  "They're right on top of us."

"Harry!"

"I've located seventy-three humans, all of them with cortical implant frequencies.  I'll try extending the sensor range…"  He broke off as his console beeped.  "I've got her!" he exclaimed.  "Human biosign, but I can't get a fix on the cortical implant.  Set course…heading 104 mark 39."

"Heading 104 mark 39," repeated Tom.

"Bridge to the Doctor."

_Go ahead, Commander._

"We've located the Captain.  When we get a transporter lock we'll beam her directly to Sickbay.  There's no telling what kind of condition she'll be in…you might want to erect a forcefield."

_Understood._

"We'll need to get within fifty thousand kilometers for transport," said Seven.

"Closing in now," said Tom.  "One hundred fifty thousand…one hundred thousand…seventy five..."

"I've got a lock," said Harry.

"Fifty thousand kilometers."

"Energizing."

The tension mounted on the bridge.

"Got her!" he announced triumphantly.

"Bridge to Doctor, report," snapped Chakotay.

_Captain Janeway is in Sickbay._

The entire bridge crew sighed with relief.

"Tom," said Chakotay, striding over to the helm.  "Get us out of here."

"With pleasure," he said, turning Voyager around.

"Voyager to Axum.  We've got the Captain.  We're on an intercept course."

_We'll be waiting._

"Five hundred thousand kilometers to the cube," Tom reported.

"What about the cubes following us?"

"Looks like they've lost us again, Commander," Harry told him.

"Good.  Let's keep it that way."

"Three hundred thousand kilometers….two hundred thousand…"

Axum's cube grew larger on the viewscreen.  They were under attack by a number of other cubes, who would fire as they passed by, then let another ship come near and attack the lone cube.  As they drew nearer, they could see the large doors in the side of the cube opening for them.  Tom deftly weaved Voyager in between the attacking cubes and flew into the waiting doors.

_ We're opening the transwarp corridor, reported Axum._

"Acknowledged."

They felt the ship accelerate to transwarp, and they all breathed a sigh of relief.

"I don't believe it," said Tom, breaking the heavy silence.  "We actually did it."

Seven raised an eyebrow.  "We are not yet 'out of the woods,' Lieutenant."

Her words proved to be prophetic as a few seconds later Voyager jolted.

"Chakotay to Axum.  What's going on?"

_One of the cubes followed us into the conduit.  They could hear an explosion in the background.  __Our shields are failing._

"Commander."  Chakotay turned to Seven.  "We could transport one of our photon torpedoes into the other cube and detonate it when we exit the conduit."

He nodded.  "Do it."

She moved over to join Harry at Ops, and they began working to modify a torpedo.  The ship jolted again as the cube fell under attack.

"Any damage?"

Tuvok shook his head.  "Axum's ship appears to be taking the brunt of the attack."

_Voyager, we're nearing the exit of the conduit, reported Kor over the comm._

Chakotay turned to Ops.  "Harry?"

He nodded.  "We're ready."

Chakotay took his seat.  "Energize and detonate on my command."

Harry transported the torpedo onto the pursuing cube.  "It's over there."

The ship rocked lightly as the cube dropped out of transwarp.

"Now, Harry!"

Harry detonated the torpedo, but they were unable to determine the result from inside the belly of Axum's cube.

_Kor__ to Voyager._

"Go ahead."

_The cube has been destroyed.  We're not reading any others in pursuit._

"Well done."

_To you and your crew as well, Commander.  We're opening the main doors._

"Tom, take us out."

"Yes, sir," said Tom, more eager than usual to obey an order.

He turned towards the Tactical station.  "Tuvok, you have the bridge.  I'll be in Sickbay."

Silence fell on the bridge as he moved towards the turbolift.  Seven followed him, and he stopped before entering the lift.

"Commander…may I come with you?"

He nodded and motioned for her to enter the lift.  He followed her in.

"The Captain will most likely be disoriented and agitated when she is disconnected from the Collective.  I may be able to assist her."

"I appreciate the sentiment."  He thought for a moment.  "Do you really think she'll be…completely assimilated?"

"Yes," said Seven candidly.  "However…I was a part of the Collective for eighteen years.  I believe the…transition…will therefore be easier for the Captain than it was for me."

The turbolift stopped and they moved down the corridor.  "I hope you're right."

The Sickbay doors slid open in front of them, and as soon as he had taken three steps inside Chakotay froze in horror.  

"My God."


	6. Aftermath

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER SIX: AFTERMATH

Instead of the Captain behind the forcefield in the surgical bay, Chakotay saw a Borg drone…and it took him a long minute before he could even trace a resemblance to Kathryn in the facial features.  The skin was white, she had tubes and implants all over, and she was wearing the typical Borg outfit of fitted black metal.  She had some kind of implant over her right eye, and an instrument instead of her left hand.

She was looking mechanically around at her surroundings, then stuck the implant on her left hand into the forcefield.  When it sparked at her, she stepped back and turned her head to the side in confusion.  

"Doctor?"

He was standing near the surgical bay, scanning her with a tricorder through the forcefield.  "She's curious, but not hostile."

"Does she know who we are?  Where she is?"

"I don't know.  I had to treat some of the crew's injuries and I just began scanning her.  You'll have to ask her."

Chakotay stepped tentatively closer to the forcefield.  "Kathryn?  It's Chakotay."

She turned her head sharply to look at him.  "You will return this drone to the Borg," she commanded.  Her voice was grossly distorted by a subvocal processor, and despite all his preparing for the worst he was shocked beyond his wildest beliefs.

"Do you know where you are?" he continued after a few seconds, taking another few steps towards her.

She looked around the room, her movements sharp and robotic.  "Federation vessel.  USS Voyager.  Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own."

"Can you tell me your name?"

"Our designation is Four of Seven, secondary adjunct of Unimatrix 425."

He plowed on.  "Do you know who I am?"

She looked him up and down.  "Species 5618.  Human."

He turned to the Doctor, who walked through the forcefield and began more scans of the Captain.  "Will you be able to remove her implants?"

Captain Janeway observed him with a detached gaze.  "Starfleet medical hologram.  Primitive technology."

The Doctor ignored her.  "I won't know until I run some more detailed micro-cellular scans…but I should be able to remove most of them."

Seven stepped up to the forcefield.  "She's only been assimilated for four weeks.  The Doctor was unable to remove all of the Borg technology from Icheb and I because we were assimilated as children."

"The Captain will be an entirely different matter," agreed the Doctor.  "Her physiology won't be nearly as dependent on the cybernetic implants."

"Is she still connected to the Collective?" asked Chakotay.

"Yes.  I didn't want to disconnect her until I was sure it would be safe."

"Leaving her in contact with the hive mind is dangerous," said Seven.  "The Queen could use her to track our position."

"I'll disconnect her now if you think it's best," he replied, not sounding at all convinced.  "But I won't take responsibility for the consequences."

"You will return this drone to the Borg!" insisted the Captain.  They ignored her.

"I recommend we sedate her first," said Seven.  "She will object to being separated from the Collective."

"Very well."  The Doctor passed through the forcefield and loaded a hypospray before crossing the forcefield again.

The Captain grabbed his arm when he approached the hypospray to her neck, but as a hologram he had unlimited strength and he was able to overpower her.  She slumped in his arms as the sedative took effect.  Seven deactivated the forcefield, and Chakotay helped the Doctor position her on the bed.

He stayed beside her for a moment, then moved closer to her head.  At this distance, he could tell it was Kathryn under all the Borg technology.  Her pale face was peaceful, and he recognized her at last.

"We'll get you back," he said quietly, taking her hand and placing it on her waist.  "I promise."  He moved out of the surgical bay and Seven reactivated the forcefield.

"I'm isolating the frequency," she said as she worked.  "It will take a few seconds."

The Doctor exited the surgical bay and grabbed another instrument.

"How long will it take to remove the implants?" Chakotay asked him.

He sighed.  "I can't even give you an estimate, Commander.  It could be a long process.  It could take days, weeks…even months until I've restored her physiology.  And it will no doubt take longer for her psychological damage to heal."

"I've isolated the frequency," said Seven.  "I'm disrupting it now."

One of the implants in the Captain's temple squealed, and she flinched and tensed before falling limp again.

Seven watched in silence.  "She is no longer in contact with the Collective."

_Bridge to Seven of Nine, came Harry's voice over the comm._

"Go ahead, Ensign."

_The cube  is hailing us.  M'Ahrel is asking to speak with you._

"Route the transmission to Sickbay," said Seven, moving over to a monitor on the nearby console.  M'Ahrel appeared on the other end.  Seven frowned when she saw her expression.  "What's wrong?" she demanded.

M'Ahrel looked upset.  "It's Axum.  He was injured when we were attacked in the transwarp corridor."

The color drained from Seven's face.  "Seriously?"

"He insisted he was fine…but then he just collapsed.  Some of his implants are damaged beyond repair.  We're trying to replace them."

Seven was becoming agitated.  There was an unpleasant twisting feeling in her stomach that she had never experienced before.  "Can't you remove them?"

M'Ahrel was surprised.  "We've tried removing implants before.  We've never been successful."

"Beam him to our Sickbay," Seven insisted urgently.  "Our Doctor might be able to remove the damaged components."  M'Ahrel hesitated.  "It's the only way to save him," Seven pleaded, emotion slipping into her voice.

Chakotay and the Doctor finally noticed her agitation.  She was leaning forward on the console, gripping the edges fiercely with her hands.

"Seven?" prompted the Doctor.

She snapped her head around to look at him.  "Axum's been injured.  Many of his implants are damaged.  Will you help him?"

"Of course," he assured her.

Seven turned back to the screen.  "Let us help him."

M'Ahrel nodded her acceptance.  "Give us a few minutes to prepare him for transport.  We'll contact you when we're ready."

*   *   *

_First Officer's log, Stardate 54092.4  Voyager has resumed course for the Alpha quadrant, and there are no signs of any Borg ships pursuing us.  I can only hope the Queen decided to cut her losses and let us go.  The Doctor has managed to stabilize Axum and has begun to remove some of the Captain's implants as well._

M'Ahrel and Kor stood next to Seven as they observed Axum's motionless form on the biobed.

"You're sure he'll be all right?" asked M'Ahrel, looking at Seven.

"Our Doctor has a great deal of experience in the removal of Borg technology.  He could not be in better hands."

She nodded, satisfied.  "That's good enough for me."

"He'll be angry that we left before he recovered," said Kor, "But we're scheduled to rendezvous with another sphere under the control of the resistance.  It can't be delayed or we'll be discovered."

"I'm sure he'll understand that you had other obligations," said Seven.

"Tell him his presence will be missed and that we'll do everything we can to keep the resistance alive," Kor instructed her.

"I will."

M'Ahrel smiled.  "You only get so many lucky breaks in life, Seven.  Cherish them -- and don't ever throw them away.  That goes for Axum, too -- you can tell him I said that."

Seven bristled.  "You believe Axum's injuries are a 'lucky break?'"

Her smile widened.  "I think there could have been worse things than him remaining on Voyager with you."

Seven's expression was unreadable.  "I hope Axum shares that opinion."

*    *    *

Neelix entered the darkened kitchen with an armful of vegetables.  "Computer, lights," he ordered as he began unloading the container.  He turned on the burners and reached for his apron, attaching it around his neck.

"Breakfast," he muttered to himself.  "Breakfast…ah!"  He rooted around in the fridge and retrieved a case of large eggs they had obtained from a trading vessel a few months ago.  He set them on the counter, then reached for the case of vegetables he had carried in.  He quickly chopped the vegetables and threw them into one of his skillets.  

As they were simmering, he moved towards the darkened mess hall.  "Computer, lights," he ordered again.

He was surprised to see Seven of Nine standing next to one of the windows, her hands clasped behind her back.  She turned around when the lights came on.

"Seven!" said Neelix, moving towards her as he dried his hands off on his apron.  "You're up early."

"I…had trouble regenerating."

He moved to stand behind her.  "Can I get you some breakfast?"

"No.  Thank you."

She turned back to the window, and he observed her for a few seconds.  "How's your friend doing?" he asked.

"The Doctor has managed to stabilize Axum's condition.  He was forced to remove nearly a quarter of his implants.  If Axum's physiology attempts to take over he will need to remove even more."

Neelix watched her expression with interest.  "Does that bother you?"

She turned to face him.  "I believe Axum will be…angry with me."

He frowned in concern.  "For what?"

"For asking the Doctor to remove his implants.  It's my fault that he will no longer be able to command his vessel."

"But you saved his life."

"The resistance movement _is his life.  I have taken that away from him."_

"Do you think you should have let him die?"

"No," she admitted.

 He tried a different tactic.  "Do you remember how you felt when the Captain removed your implants?"

Seven raised an eyebrow.  "I felt weak.  Small.  I was angry with the Captain for what she had done to me.  I believed she should have let me die."

"And do you still feel that way?"

"No.  I have come to…appreciate my individuality."

"So even though you were angry at losing your Borg abilities…you gained something else."

She smiled.  "Yes."

Neelix leaned towards her.  "Then I'm sure Mr. Axum will see things the same way."

"Perhaps.  However, I still feel guilty that he will not be able to return to his vessel."

"I don't mean to pry…but didn't you want him to stay on Voyager?"

"I asked him to remain.  He wasn't willing to leave his ship."  She paused.  "I believe my desire for him to stay on Voyager may have influenced my decision to have the Doctor remove his implants."

Neelix smiled.  "That's only human, Seven."

"I should have been objective," she insisted.  "I should not have allowed my…personal feelings to interfere."

"You did what was needed to save his life.  That sounds objective to me.  Anyone would have done the same for a friend."  He watched her for a few seconds.  "Unless he's…more than a friend?"

Seven smiled self-consciously and looked out the window.

Neelix clasped his hands on his chest.  "Well…"  He reached over and patted her on the shoulder.  "Come on.  Why don't I make you one of my famous omelets?"

Seven raised an eyebrow but accepted his offer with a nod.

Neelix made his way into the kitchen and pulled out a pair of large eggs from the crate on the counter.  He cracked them into a skillet and began stirring as Seven took a seat on the other side of the galley.  "My grandmother used to make these back on Talax," he told her as he stirred.  "The secret is the seasoning.  I use twelve different spices."

Seven cocked an eyebrow and eyed the cooking eggs warily.

"Oh, don't worry," he said, catching her expression.  "Nothing too zesty."  He leaned forward conspiratorially.  "I had to cut out three of the spices after a few crewmen ended up in Sickbay."

"A wise precaution," Seven smirked.

The flame under the skillet with the vegetables in it flared up, and Neelix grabbed the pot to avoid scorching the contents.  "Ooh!" he exclaimed as one of his hands got a little too close to the flame.

"What vegetables would you like in your omelet?" he asked, stirring the skillet.  "Talaxian tomatoes?  Jibalian mushrooms?  Some asparagus?  I've still got some lovely Norcadian peppers left."

"You may choose whatever you feel is appropriate."

He was more than happy to be given free reign, and gleefully dumped the vegetables in with the eggs as he continued stirring. 

The mess hall doors slid open, and Seven looked over her shoulder to see Chakotay enter.

"Good morning," she greeted him.

"What can I get for you, Commander?" asked Neelix.

He joined Seven at the window looking in on the galley.  "Just some coffee, thanks."

"Coming right up," he replied, brushing his hands off on his apron and turning around to find the coffee pots.

Chakotay turned to Seven.  "Do you have a minute?"

"Of course, Commander."

Neelix returned with a pot of coffee and poured the steaming liquid into a mug.  

"Will you join me for breakfast?" she suggested.

"A splendid idea!" exclaimed Neelix.  "I'm just making Seven one of my Jibalian twelve-spice omelets."

Chakotay leaned over the ledge.  "Smells great.  Maybe I will have some."  He looked back at Seven.  ""You're sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all."

Neelix scooped the omelet onto two plates and placed them on the counter.  "There you are."

"Thanks, Neelix," said Chakotay.  They picked up the plates and moved towards the tables.

When they were seated, Seven eyed the food warily and poked it with her fork.

Chakotay smirked.  "Thinking you should have stuck with your nutritional supplements?"

She raised an eyebrow and took a bite.  She chewed slowly, her expression thoughtful.  "It is…different."

Chakotay stabbed at the omelet with his fork and tentatively took a bite.  "Mmm," he mumbled.  "Not bad," he pronounced after he swallowed.

Seven grimaced.  "It is…"

"Spicy?"

"Yes."

"That's nothing.  You should have seen his attempts at chili."

Seven smirked and took another bite of the omelet as Chakotay took a sip of coffee.

"What did you wish to speak to me about?" she asked after a few minutes.

Chakotay's expression became somber.  "I wanted your opinion about the Captain."

"About anything in particular?"

He thought for a moment.  "The Doctor is confident he'll be able to remove all her Borg implants...but I'm worried about her…"  He searched for the right word.  "Personality.  The possible psychological damage."  He pushed the food around his plate with his fork.  "Starfleet only has reports of a few cases where drones have been separated from the Collective."

"The Borg assimilated one of your Federation Captains before the battle at Wolf 359," said Seven.  "He was later rescued by his crew and separated from the Borg."

"That's not the same.  Captain Picard was only assimilated for a matter of days.  Any psychological trauma was probably due more to his participation in the events at Wolf 359 than his assimilation."  He paused and took another bite of his omelet.  "A few months before you came on board, we encountered a group of Borg who had been separated from the Collective.  They had developed a society, they had personalities…but I have no way of knowing whether they were different from before their assimilation.  I wanted to get your insights on what you think we might expect with the Captain."

Seven considered this for a minute.  "I was assimilated at a young age.  By the time I was separated from the Collective, I had almost no memory of my…personality.  I had to develop an entirely new one.  I do not believe my insight would be of any use to you."

"That makes sense, I guess.  What about Icheb?"

"He and the other Borg children were also assimilated at a young age."

"Isn't there anything you can think of to use as a reference?"

She frowned as something occurred to her.  "The three members of my original Unimatrix."

"The ones who came on board last year?"

"Yes.  When our sphere crashed and we were separated from the Collective…their individuality began to reassert itself within a matter of hours.  I doubt the Captain's recovery would be so rapid, but I believe it's a promising sign that they were able to differentiate from the Collective so quickly."

"What about their personalities?"

"I have no basis to compare their behavior to.  They may have been radically different from the people they were before their assimilation…although I do not believe that was the case."

He sighed.  "I'm just worried that we're not going to get her back."

"You have said yourself that the Captain is a strong person.  I have no doubt she will fight to regain her individuality."

He smiled.  "I hope so."  He took another bite of his omelet as crewmen started filtering into the mess hall before the day shift.  "The Doctor tells me Axum's condition is stable."

"Yes.  We may need to remove more of his implants, but he should recover."  Seven stared down at her plate for a few moments before she looked up again.  "Commander…now that Axum is no longer able to help the resistance…I think it is likely he will request to stay on Voyager."

"He's more than welcome.  We can always use another set of hands around here."

She smiled.  "Thank you."


	7. Adrift

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER SEVEN: ADRIFT

Tom's quarters were dark when he entered, and he could see B'Elanna's sleeping form in the bed.  He smiled and left the lights dimmed as he removed his uniform jacket and tossed it on a nearby chair.  He was glad she was there; it wasn't very often that she took him up on his offer to consider his quarters hers…and he didn't want to sleep alone tonight.

He moved closer to the bed and sat down in a chair to remove his boots.  Just as he pulled the first one off, she rolled onto her side and propped her head up on one arm.

"Sorry," he said, tugging on the second boot.  "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I wasn't asleep."  She watched him as he stood up and stripped off his turtleneck.  "How did it go?"

He moved over and sat on the edge of the bed in his tank top.  "It was touch and go at one point.  She went into synaptic shock…but the Doc managed to stabilize her and we removed most of the remaining implants.  He thinks she'll only need one more surgery to remove them all."

She reached over and rested her hand on top of his.  "Is there any sign her personality is returning?"

"We had to keep her sedated."

She sighed and laid her head back down on the pillow.

He stood up and stripped the rest of his uniform off, pulling on a pair of shorts and a worn t-shirt.  He climbed under the sheets next to her, and she rolled over and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I can't imagine not having her back," she said quietly after a few minutes.

He stroked her hair gently.  "I know.  Me neither."

She ran her fingers over his chest.  "You know, I don't think I've ever told her how much I appreciate everything she's done for me."

"She did a lot for all of us."

"Most people in her position wouldn't have even given me a chance.  I never understood how she could have so much confidence in me when I didn't even have confidence in myself."

"She believed in a lot of people…we just have to trust that we'll get her back."

She tilted her head up to look at his face.  "God, Tom…what if we don't?"

"Captain Janeway is one of the strongest, most determined people I've ever known.  If anyone can win a psychological war with the Borg, it's her."  He reached over and brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.  "You know...when we first got stranded out here she seemed invincible."

B'Elanna smiled.  "I thought so too."

"Oh, I knew she wasn't as tough as she liked to appear on the outside."  He smiled.  "Kind of like a certain engineer I know."

"Lucky for that engineer there are stubborn pilots around to keep pushing her to let down her defenses."

He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.  "Lucky for both of us."

They were silent for a few minutes before Tom returned to his original train of thought.  "I knew the Captain wasn't as tough as she looked…but I still thought she was invincible.  Seeing her just laying there…"  He reached over and squeezed her hand.  "It really makes you appreciate what you've got."

B'Elanna shifted closer to him and smiled.  "So you think you've 'got' me, do you Paris?"

Glad for the light banter, he smirked.  "Is there something I should know about?"

She propped herself on one elbow.  "Well, you know what they say about engineers.  They're married to their jobs."

"I'm supposed to be jealous of a hunk of dilithium?"

She arched an eyebrow and leaned closer to him, kissing him on the base of his neck.  She moved closer to his ear, then hissed, "If you ever refer to my engines as a hunk of dilithium again you'll be sleeping alone for a long, _long time."_

With that she pulled away and rolled over with her back to him.  He laughed and moved closer to her.  He put his arms around her waist, and they gradually drifted off to sleep.

*    *    *

_Warning, said the computer, __Regeneration cycle incomplete._

Seven of Nine stepped out of her alcove and looked around in confusion, wondering why her regeneration cycle had ended prematurely.

_Doctor to Seven of Nine._

"Yes, Doctor?"

_Sorry to interrupt your rest, but Axum is starting to regain consciousness.  I thought you'd want to be here when he wakes up._

There was a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach, and it took her a few seconds to find her voice.  "Thank you.  I'm on my way."

*

The Doctor was standing next to Axum's bed, scanning him, when Seven entered.

One side of his face was still covered with implants, and there was exoplating covering most of his chest, but his skin was starting to regain its natural color and most of his facial features were visible.

"How is he?" she asked as she approached his side.

"Stable, for now," replied the Doctor as he continued his scans.  "It looks like we'll have to remove some of the radial implants in his joints and probably some of his cranial ones.  The ocular implant is stable for now…but I assume he'll want to have that one removed eventually to restore his appearance."

Seven was about to reply when Axum rolled his head from side to side and inhaled deeply.  His eyes fluttered open, and once they remained open he looked around in confusion.

She took his hand, and didn't notice the Doctor discreetly leaving them alone.  "Axum."

He turned his head towards her.  "Annika."  He frowned in confusion.  "Where am I?"

"On Voyager, in our Sickbay.  Your cube was attacked in the transwarp conduit.  You were injured."

He looked around the room again, then down at himself.  He slowly reached up and touched the skin on his face that was now exposed.  "What…what's happened to me?"

She flinched at the accusation in his voice.  "Some of your implants were damaged beyond repair.  Our Doctor was forced to remove them in order to save you."

He returned his attention to her, noticing the apprehension in her face.  All the anger and frustration in his expression evaporated when he saw her innocent emotion.  "I won't be able to function on the cube anymore, will I," he said gently.  It wasn't a question, and her reaction was enough to confirm his suspicions.

"We…I had no choice," she explained in a small voice.  "You would have died."

He squeezed her hand.  "It's all right, Annika.  You don't have to feel guilty.  I'm thankful to be alive."

"I didn't want to lose you."

"Maybe," he said slowly, his eyes examining her face, "It was fate."

*    *    *

_Chief Medical Officer's Log, Stardate 54108.3  I've managed to remove the last of Captain Janeway's Borg implants.  I have no reason to expect any more complications and she should be able to leave Sickbay within a matter of days.  Physically, she's making excellent progress.  I only wish I could be as optimistic for her mental state._

The Doctor looked up from the monitor at his desk when he thought he heard a noise.  He rose from his chair and left his office, looking around.

"Hello?" he called, looking around.  The room was empty.

He glanced at Axum, but he was sound asleep.  He looked towards the surgical bay, and was surprised to see the Captain sitting up on the bed with her legs hanging over the side.

He hit his commbadge.  "Sickbay to Commander Chakotay," he said softly, moving slowly towards the surgical bay.

_Go ahead, Doctor._

"Captain Janeway is awake."

_I'm on my way._

The Doctor continued to approach her.  She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands gripping the sides, looking passively around the surgical bay.

"Captain?" he said tentatively.

She didn't acknowledge him and continued examining her surroundings.

He slowly reached for a medical tricorder, trying not to make any sudden movements that would startle her.  He opened it and began scanning her through the forcefield.  "How are you feeling?" he asked.

She still didn't respond.

He heard the doors to Sickbay slide open, and he looked over his shoulder to see Chakotay enter, moving quickly over to join him.

"Did you wake her?" he asked.

He shook his head.  "The sedative I gave her wore off faster that I anticipated."

"I take it you removed the last of her implants?"

"Just a few hours ago.  There weren't any complications this time."

Chakotay watched her as she looked impassively around the room.  Her Borg exoplating removed, she was wearing a surgical gown now.  The Doctor had re-stimulated her hair follicles, and the chestnut strands fell loosely down to her shoulders.  One side of her face was covered with dermal patches, and he could see the edges of more bandages under the aqua fabric of the surgical gown.  Her skin was still pale, but the natural color was starting to return and she looked more like herself than she had since her rescue.

"Kathryn?" he prompted gently.

"She doesn't seem to be reacting to her surroundings," offered the Doctor.  "She's no longer hostile but she's not aware of or willing to acknowledge our presence."

"Any ideas why that would be?"

He thought for a moment.  "There was some minor neurological damage to her frontal lobe from removing one of the implants."

"Permanent?"

"I doubt it, and I don't think that would be the cause of this kind of withdrawal."  He shrugged.  "It could be some form of post-traumatic stress disorder.  I'll start going through the medical database to see what I can find."

*    *    *

Seven looked up from her console in the cargo bay as the doors slid open.

"Commander," she said as Chakotay approached her.  "What can I do for you?"

He joined her, standing on the opposite side of her console.  "I was hoping you would join me for breakfast again."

One side of her mouth rose in a smile.  "Of course."

"There's one condition, though," he added.  "And you might not like it."

She arched an eyebrow.  "What condition?"

"I want to talk about your experience after you were separated from the Collective."

*

They chose a table near the corner of the mess hall, making their way around the crewmen filtering in before the day shift.

"I know you don't usually eat breakfast," said Chakotay as they sat down.

She smiled.  "The Doctor has encouraged me to 'broaden my palette.'  I believe eating one of Mr. Neelix's concoctions instead of nutritional supplements would qualify."

He chuckled, glad for the relief.  "Quite frankly, I appreciate the company.  I'm not used to eating breakfast by myself."  His cheerful demeanor evaporated.  "Kath…The Captain and I usually discuss the day's business over breakfast."

"I'm sure I make a poor substitute for the Captain."

He looked up in surprise.  "Not at all."

"I find that difficult to believe.  You have been friends with Captain Janeway for over six years.  Her company must therefore be more valued than mine…and I am sure my conversation skills are not equal to hers.  The Doctor has often reminded me that my talent for making...'small talk' leaves much to be desired."

"I'm not looking for small talk," he told her candidly.  After a moment's thought, he added, "And if we don't know each other as well as we could…that's my fault, not yours."

She looked at him in surprise and raised an eyebrow.

He took a sip of coffee and leaned forward with his elbows on the table.  "The Captain and I often disagreed about you, right from the start.  It's not until recently that we started to see eye to eye."

Seven remained unruffled.  "It was only natural that you should object to the Captain bringing a Borg drone on board."

"I probably reacted based on my feelings about the Borg.  I thought you would betray us at the first possible opportunity, and I didn't think you would be able to function as a member of the crew…but, it turns out the Captain was right, as usual.  You've become a valued member of the crew."

"Thank you, Commander."

"And when I think about it…"  He looked at her carefully.  "You remind me of her quite a bit."

Her eyebrow arched higher in genuine surprise.  "The Captain and I have had many disagreements since I came on board.  We have clashed on many issues and still argue on a regular basis."

"That's probably more due to your similarities than you realize.  You have quite a few qualities in common…you're both independent, determined, authoritative, stubborn…and now you have one more thing in common."

"The Borg."

He thought for a moment.  "The best way for me to be able to help the Captain is to try to understand what she's going through."

"I thought we determined that my experiences were irrelevant to the Captain's situation."

"Different, yes.  Irrelevant?  No."  

She paused to take another bite of her food, and he observed her closely.  He had been telling the truth -- he had objected to her being on board from the start.  He had kept most of his objections to himself, even from Kathryn…but he had always felt that keeping Seven on board was a mistake.  He had appreciated her talents after a while, but he had never thought she would fit in with the crew and he had never made any real attempts to befriend her.  Their relationship had been kept strictly professional.

But getting to know her now gave him a surprising comfort.  Seven's personality had been formed so much by the Captain, and he was surprised himself by the similarities he was finding between them.  Seven and the Captain had always been close, and by getting to know Seven he somehow felt that he was connecting with Kathryn.

"I know talking about it makes you uncomfortable," he said after a minute, "So if you -- "

"If you believe it will assist the Captain then I am more than willing to share it with you.  Where would you like to begin?"

*    *    *

Chakotay crossed his arms as he watched the Doctor scan the Captain.  She was still unresponsive to any of them, and she sat motionless on the biobed as he scanned her.

"You're sure she's recovered enough to leave Sickbay?"

"Physically, she's fine."

Chakotay could sense there was something more.  "But?"

"I haven't observed any psychological improvement since we last spoke."  He folded the tricorder shut and stepped away from the bed.  "I believe familiar surroundings might stimulate a response."

He nodded.  "What exactly do you have in mind?"

"Perhaps you could start with her quarters.  Or maybe the bridge or the mess hall."

"I don't think the mess hall is a good idea."

"Why not?" asked the Doctor, slightly miffed at having his suggestion contradicted.

"Crowds.  Seven mentioned that crowds bother her after being in the Collective.  I think for now we should limit the number of people around her."

"Hm," grunted the Doctor.  "Probably not a bad idea.  I also don't think she should be left alone.  One of the crew, preferably someone she knows well, should be with her at all times."

"I'll see to it."

He and the Doctor each took one of her arms and they helped her off the biobed.  Chakotay placed his hand on the small of her back and slowly guided her out of Sickbay.

*

The doors to her quarters slid open, and she slowly stepped inside without any encouragement from him.  She moved to the middle of the room and stood there, looking around passively.

He moved to stand behind her, slightly to the side so he could see her face.  "Kathryn?"

She didn't seem to hear him, so he reached out and touched her gently on the shoulder.  She jumped, and snapped her head around to look at him.

It was the first time she had responded to any kind of physical contact.

Although she showed no further reaction, she was still looking at him.  Slowly, she looked away and her eyes continued roving about the room.

"Recognize any of this?" he asked her.

She didn't answer, but after a few seconds her eyes fell on something.  He saw her fixed gaze and looked over his shoulder to see what had caught her attention.

The photos on her desk.

She tentatively moved towards them, and reached out to run her finger along the edge of a picture of the senior staff.  He hoped for some kind of reaction, but she turned away from it and looked at the image next to it, a photo of her ex-fiancé Mark, her, and her Irish Setter before Voyager left for the badlands.  She ran her fingers over that picture too.

Seeing how she was drawn to it, he reached over and picked it up, holding it in front of her.  She slowly ran her fingers over it again.

"Molly," she whispered suddenly.

That was the first time anyone had heard her speak since she had been disconnected from the Collective.  He reached over and turned her to face him.  There -- in her eyes.  He could see something…a spark, a warmth, a flash of emotion.  Some part of Kathryn had resurfaced, somehow.

"Kathryn?" he said anxiously.  "Kathryn, answer me!"

Whatever it was that he saw in her eyes started to fade, and he shook her by the shoulders as if that would keep her there.  "Kathryn?"

Her eyes were glassy again now…just like they had been since her rescue.  They were cold, unfeeling.  Not at all the beautiful eyes he used to lose himself in whenever she looked at him.

He sighed.  At least it was a start.


	8. Inner Voices, Part I

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER EIGHT: INNER VOICES, PART I

The Doctor crossed his arms and grimaced.  "'Vulcan medicine' is an oxymoron," he groused.

Tuvok looked at him archly but didn't bother to reply.

"Commander," he continued, turning to Chakotay.  "I know you're trying to help the Captain, but since we have no idea what her psychological state is, a mind meld could be very dangerous."

"We have been unable to reach the Captain," countered Tuvok.  "A mind meld would be an efficient way to determine her state of mind, and I may be able to assist her."

"Is there any danger to the Captain?" asked Chakotay.

"Mind melds are unpredictable," said the EMH.  "There's no telling _what could go wrong."_

"Doctor," he said with a frown.

He sighed.  "I don't have any reason to believe that a mind meld would put the Captain in any physical danger.  But I'm still opposed to the idea."

"Objection noted," said Chakotay.  "Tuvok, how soon could you begin?"

"I will need at least two hours to meditate."

"Start immediately.  Let me know when you're ready."  

*    *    *

Captain Janeway sat passively on the couch in her quarters as Tuvok settled himself next to her.  Chakotay was sitting in a chair opposite them, and the Doctor stood behind him with a medical tricorder and a medkit.

"I still think we should be doing this in Sickbay," grumbled the Doctor.

"The familiar surroundings may assist the meld," Tuvok told him.  He reached over and placed his hands on the Captain's face.  Her eyes closed reflexively.  "My mind to your mind," he recited.  "My thoughts to your thoughts."

He felt their surroundings strip away, and soon he was aware only of the Captain's presence.  He opened his eyes and looked around.

There was nothing.

He was in almost complete darkness.  He could see a solitary light in the distance, and he moved towards it.  As he drew nearer, he could see Captain Janeway, illuminated by an unseen light source from above.  He stepped into the light, facing her.  She stared at him silently.  

"Captain?" he prompted.  She didn't respond.

He could sense that he was only scratching the surface of her mind, and he concentrated, trying to delve deeper.  She didn't break eye contact, and he could hear faint indistinct whispers coming from the darkness around them.  The more he concentrated the louder they became…but when he broke his concentration and looked around, the whispers disappeared.

He again tried to probe deeper into the meld, pushing farther into her subconscious. The chaotic whispers returned and grew louder and louder.

"Stop!" yelled the Captain suddenly, putting her hands over her ears and collapsing to the floor.

He knelt beside her.  "Captain, what is happening?"

"Make it stop!" she yelled again, clutching her knees to her chest.

"I'm afraid I must continue.  It is the only way to help you."

"Please don't," she begged.

He reached over and rested his hand on her shoulder.  "I will be here to assist you, Captain."

He began concentrating again, and the torrent of voices returned, faster this time.  They grew to a loud pitch.  The Captain screamed and put her hands over her ears, but he could feel that he was making progress.  He could sense her defenses weakening, her barriers giving way to the meld.

The change was dramatic and sudden.  The darkness around them vanished and was replaced by a familiar green glow.  There were Borg drones everywhere -- walking, giving orders to each other, stopping as if working at a console.  Some just stood and stared at them.

Tuvok stood up.  The mass of drones stretched as far as the eye could see.  Hundreds, thousands, millions of them.  Order and chaos, all mixed together.  The multitude of voices remained, and he suddenly realized that they were terrifying the Captain.

Being able to sense an emotion from her was real progress, and he knelt beside her again.  He had to yell to make himself heard over the voices.  "They can no longer hurt you, Captain."

She was consumed by her own emotions and didn't seem to hear him.  Fear, anger, disgust, panic…he could sense everything now, and the emotions were violent -- much more so than he would have expected from the Captain.  He had always thought of her as someone who had excellent control over her emotions, for a human.

One of the drones grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him to his feet.  "We are the Borg."

More drones approached them.  "You will be assimilated," said another.

"Resistance is futile."

The drones were crushing them now, and when Tuvok glanced over his shoulder he saw that he had been separated from the Captain.

He tried to push past the drones and reach her.  "Captain!"

She was hysterical as they dragged her away.  "Let me go!" she screamed, fighting against their vice-like grip on her arms.

"Do not fear perfection," said a drone next to Tuvok.

_We are the Borg, said all the voices simultaneously.  __Resistance is futile._

The millions of voices became independent again and the noise grew deafening.  The drones pushed closer, separating him further from the Captain.

"Help me!" she screamed.

Although he tried, Tuvok could not fight against the drones and the thunderous noise was affecting his ability to maintain the meld.  Reluctantly, he broke the meld and opened his eyes in the Captain's quarters, releasing his hands from her face.

The Doctor moved over to scan them, and Chakotay leaned forward anxiously.

"Her norepinephrine levels have nearly tripled," reported the Doctor.  "And her serotonin levels have increased by 63 percent."

"Did you reach her?" asked Chakotay.

"I…am not certain," admitted Tuvok.  He gave a brief description of what he had seen.

"You said there were voices," said Chakotay after a moment.  "The Collective?"

"I believe the so.  I recognize them from my own experience."

"But you're sure she's no longer under their control?"

"Yes."  He thought for a moment.  "However, I believe she is still controlled by the experience of her assimilation."

"Any suggestions on how we can help her?"

"I'm afraid not.  I believe the Captain must deal with this on her own."  He arched an eyebrow.  "She must bring order…to chaos."

*    *    *

_First Officer's personal log, Stardate 54117.8 -- Despite the familiar surroundings of her quarters, there hasn't been any discernible improvement in Kathryn's condition since the mind meld.  One of the senior staff has been with her at all times.  I spent last night in her quarters.  She was asleep…__not that it matters.  Asleep, awake -- it doesn't seem to make any difference.  I keep looking for another sign that she's in there, somewhere.  I have to hope that it's only a matter of time…_

Harry rose from the couch as Chakotay entered the Captain's quarters.

"Any change?" he asked quietly.

Harry motioned towards the Captain.  She was standing near the window, staring out at the stars streaking by.  "Some.  I've been talking to her, and she actually seemed to be listening this time.  Once I thought she was going to answer me, but then she just went back to staring out the window.  She hasn't moved for hours."

Chakotay patted him on the shoulder.  "Go get some rest, Harry."

When they were alone, he moved toward her, standing slightly behind her and to the side so he could observe her.  "We stopped at an M-class planet this morning," he told her.  "It was uninhabited, but we managed to get a few minerals and some vegetables.  Neelix promised not to add any leola root to them this time, so they should actually be edible."  As usual, there was no reaction.  "I spoke with Axum today.  He formally requested to stay on Voyager.  I thought I would either assign him to Engineering, or maybe to work in Astrometrics with Seven.  What do you think?"

He sighed.  Even if she couldn't hear him, talking to her like this made him feel like she was really there…but she was still staring blankly at the stars out the window.  "Anything interesting outside?"  He barely paused to wait for the reply he knew wouldn't come.  "I never could understand how you could stare out the window for hours.  Just the same thing over and over…"  He broke off when he saw the corner of her mouth start to turn up in a smile.  That familiar smile.

She turned to look at him, still smiling, and he was too stunned at the sudden change to think of anything but how amazing it felt to see her smile again.  After a few seconds, she seemed to lose her train of thought and she turned back to the window with a neutral expression.

Once he came out of his shocked state, he cursed under his breath at not having the presence of mind to push her farther when he had the chance.  At least she was showing improvement…but at this rate, it would take months before she was back to normal…if ever.

He had never thought of Kathryn as a person who would withdraw after a traumatic experience.  He had always known that she kept her emotions tightly checked and that she was a very private person…but she was such a fighter that he had never pictured her as someone who would shut down so completely.  The Doctor _did say there had been some neurological damage…maybe that really was the reason for her almost catatonic state._

"It's…quiet."

Her soft, subdued voice caught him off guard and he looked up, startled.  "Kathryn?"

She turned to look at him, and he could see a spark of emotion in her eyes.  "It's quiet," she repeated hesitantly.  "There were…voices."

"Voices?"

"Voices…everywhere."

He let out a deep breath.  "You were assimilated by the Borg," he explained gently.  "You were on an away mission.  Do you remember?"

"Some.  I was on the cube…I felt the transporter beam…"

"The Borg blocked your transport and we couldn't get a lock on you.  They jumped to transwarp before we were able to do anything."

He could see her returning to her old self piece by piece.  "B'Elanna and Tuvok?"

"We got them back.  They're fine.  They're worried about you.  We all are."

"There were voices," she repeated.  "I…it was…"

"It's all right, Kathryn.  You're safe here."

She nodded in satisfaction and returned to staring out the window.


	9. Inner Voices, Part II

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER NINE: INNER VOICES, PART II

_Chief Medical Officer's log, Stardate 54132.5 - Against my better judgment, I've cleared Captain Janeway for a return to duty.  I can find nothing wrong with her physically, but I'm concerned about her mental state.  Commander Chakotay has convinced me that returning to duty will be beneficial to her, and as I have no solid arguments against his theory I'm forced to go along with it._

_The Captain has shown steady improvement over the past week.  She has been interacting with the crew and overall seems to be returning to normal.  However, I'm concerned that she does not seem to show any emotional reaction to the trauma of her assimilation.  Although I know the Captain to be a restrained person under normal circumstances, I find this detached behavior unusual, even for her._

The Doctor leaned back in his chair thoughtfully.  "I still have reservations, Commander.  I would prefer it if she returned to limited duty only for the time being."

Chakotay sighed.  "I honestly think this is best.  I know she always likes to submerge herself in her duties to take her mind of something."

He stood up.  "That's precisely my concern.  She hasn't had her mind on it at all.  I don't believe she's actually dealt with what happened to her."

Chakotay frowned, wavering.

The Doctor moved around his desk.  "Being assimilated by the Borg is possibly the most severely traumatic experience any one of us could ever encounter.  Imagine -- your individuality is stripped away from you, your very thoughts, your will, your personality…all sucked into the massive void that is the Borg Collective."

Chakotay sighed.  "And she hasn't talked about it to anyone, as far as I know."

"Precisely.  Her state after we revived her also concerns me since we haven't found an explanation for it."

"You can hardly call our information on victims of assimilation extensive, Doctor, and you removed your psychology subroutines years ago.  Exactly what are you basing this…diagnosis of yours on?"

"Quite frankly…instinct.  I just have a feeling that something is wrong with the Captain."

"I must admit I've had the same feeling."  He thought for a moment.  "Leaving her to brood in her quarters hasn't done any good.  I think we should let her return to duty.  Her insistence alone I take to be a good sign."  The Doctor opened his mouth to protest, but Chakotay forestalled him, holding up his hand.  "And I promise I'll keep an eye out for any signs that something is wrong."

"Fair enough," the Doctor grumbled.

*    *    *

The gentle hum of the turbolift was the only sound in the small space as they rode to the bridge.  Chakotay stood next to the Captain as they stared at the doors, but after a few seconds his eyes darted towards her, then back to the door.  He only lasted a few seconds before he looked back at her again and broke the heavy silence.

"Are you sure you feel up to this?"

She glanced over at him reprovingly.  "I'm fine, Commander."  Rebuffed, he turned back to the front of the turbolift.  Her expression softened after a few seconds.  "Do you really think I'd be doing this is I didn't feel up to it?"

He smirked.  "I wouldn't put anything past you, Kathryn."

The doors opened to the bridge and as soon as they stepped out every officer on duty stood at attention.

"Captain on the bridge," announced Tuvok solemnly.

She acknowledged him with a nod and made her way over to her chair.  She stood for a moment, looking around the bridge and meeting the eyes of all her officers.

"It's good to have you back, Captain," said Harry, grinning from ear to ear.

"Thank you, Ensign."

She lowered herself into her chair and crossed her legs, and Chakotay took his seat beside her.

A heavy silence fell over the bridge.  Nobody really knew what to say, and the Captain didn't seem to be in a mood to start idle conversation.  In fact, they could all sense the difference in her mood, although if asked to pinpoint it none of them could have identified what it was they thought was different about her.

After about twenty minutes, she turned to Chakotay.  "I'll be in my ready room.  There are probably a hundred reports sitting on my desk."

"Do you want some help?"

"No thank you."  She rose from her chair.  "You have the bridge, Commander."

They all watched her go with concern, and Tom swiveled around in his chair with a raised eyebrow.  Chakotay merely shrugged and looked at the doors to her ready room with a frown.

*    *    *

The Captain spent her entire shift in her ready room going over reports.  Chakotay would normally give her at least an hour after their shift was over before he approached her, but he only gave her ten minutes this time.

He heard her acknowledge his presence outside her ready room, and he stepped through the doors.  She was sitting behind her desk surrounded by PADDs.

"Something I can do for you, Commander?"

"Your shift ended ten minutes ago."

She looked up in surprise.  "Did it?"  She smiled slightly.  "I guess I lost track of time reading Tuvok's fascinating security report."

He chuckled, glad to see her sense of humor returning.  "Catching up?" he asked, picking up a report from Stellar Cartography that was three weeks old.

She nodded.  "I wanted to get myself up to speed."

"Did you take a look at Harry's report on your rescue?  I was thinking we should give him a commendation for quick thinking."

There was a subtle change in her demeanor.  "No, I haven't gotten to that yet."

"Oh."  He cleared his throat.  "I think I mentioned that Axum has asked to stay on board?  I assume that you don't have any objections to that?"

"Hm?  Oh, no, of course not."

"I was hoping you would have some suggestions for where to assign him.  I thought you could talk to him and see where his interest lies."

"You can assign him wherever you think best."

He arched an eyebrow in surprise -- normally she liked to have a hand in anything concerning the crew.  "If you want.  I thought you would be interested to speak with him in any case."

"Maybe some other time."

"Join me for dinner?"

She glanced up again from the reports.  "Actually, I was just going to replicate something in my quarters.  I have a lot of work to do."

He forced a smile.  "Then I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded and turned her attention back to her reports, but when she heard the doors close she looked up and stared at them with remorse.  She didn't know why she had turned down his offer.  They hadn't had dinner since…since she had left on the away mission.

But unless she was alone, she felt smothered.  She couldn't explain it…she just felt relieved whenever everyone left her alone.  She heaved a deep sigh and gathered up the reports she still had to read, then left to spend the night reading in her quarters.

*    *    *

The Captain strode into the briefing room purposefully, coffee cup in hand.  She didn't seem to notice the grins on the faces around the table, thrilled to have her back where she belonged.

She took her seat and looked neutrally around the table before she nodded to Chakotay to take the lead.

"Tom, how are the repairs on the Flyer coming?" he asked.

"We finished last night."

"We'd like to take it out for a short test drive just to work the kinks out," added Harry.

The Captain held up a hand.  "Repaired from what?  If I remember correctly, the Delta Flyer ended up in about a million pieces."

They looked down at the table, embarrassed.  "Sorry, Captain," said Harry.  "We rebuilt the Flyer after we rescued Tuvok and B'Elanna.  We tried fitting a transwarp coil into her."

"Where did you get a transwarp coil?"

"Korok's sphere was destroyed," Harry informed her.  "Seven managed to build a makeshift coil from the one we recovered from the debris."

"Unfortunately, the coil overloaded," said Seven.

The Captain glanced at her then turned back to Tom and Harry.  "How extensive was the damage?"

"There was a hull breach near the cargo bay," Tom informed her.  "And quite a few blown plasma relays.  We had to make some adjustments to the power grid and refit the impulse drive."

"We still haven't had a chance to put the new warp drive through her paces or take the boosted impulse drive to her full capacity."

She smirked.  "No wonder you're wanting to take her out."  She pointed her finger at them.  "As long as it's a short test flight, nothing more.  I don't need to be scraping you two off an asteroid belt in your fancy new _hot rod."  She gave the last two words enough biting sarcasm that they nodded solemnly.  "Anything else?"_

"I'm happy to report the crew's morale has improved," said Neelix with a knowing smile.  "Now that we've retrieved you, Captain."

"Thank you, Neelix.  How are we doing for food supplies?"

"We should be good for at least another month, but there's plenty of room in the cargo bay if we get a chance to re-supply."

"There's an outpost about twenty-five light-years from our current position," added Harry.  "It's only two days off our course."

She turned to the opposite side of the table.  "Doctor, what about our medical supplies?"

"We're doing fine, but there's no reason we couldn't stock up."

"Icheb and I have been working on modifications to the lateral sensor array," offered Seven.  "But there are components that we require."

"Sounds like we'll be making a detour," she said with a smile, and the staff chuckled.  "Prepare lists of whatever you need and get them to Commander Chakotay by 1300 hours tomorrow.  Anything else?"

"I assigned Axum to Engineering," said Chakotay.

"His choice?" asked Tom.

"Actually, he was thinking about Security or Tactical."

"However," interjected Tuvok, "I did not believe that would be wise."

"You think he's a security risk?" asked the Captain.

"I have no reason to consider him a security risk…but I have no reason to trust him, either."

Seven bristled.  "If it were not for Axum's assistance we could all be dead and the Captain would still be in Unimatrix One," she said tersely.  "What further proof do you need that he can be trusted?"

"He does not have the proper training."

Seven was about to object, but the Captain looked at her sternly.  "Seven."  She turned to Tuvok.  "I hope you intend to give Axum a fair chance."

"Of course, Captain."

She nodded.  "Then if there's nothing further, you're dismissed."

Everyone left except Seven, who approached the head of the table.  "Captain, I believe that Commander Tuvok -- "

The Captain held her hand up.  "Seven, I trust Tuvok's judgment.  If you have a problem, take it up with him."

Seven started back, surprised.  She couldn't remember when the Captain had ever been unwilling to hear her out, even if she would have disagreed with her in the end.  "Of course, Captain."

*    *    *

_Captain's personal log, Stardate 54151.6 - My first week back on duty has been uneventful.  I've spent most of the time catching up on reports in my quarters.  I've found that immersing myself in my work has prevented me from dwelling unnecessarily on recent events._

"Coffee, black."

A silver mug of the dark liquid materialized in the replicator, and the Captain wrapped her fingers around it and lifted it to her face, savoring the aroma and the warmth as it seeped into her hand.

The silence in her quarters was oppressive, and she could almost hear her heart beating in her chest.  She moved over to her favorite chair and sat down, picking up another report.  She only lasted a fraction of a second before she set it down and looked around her empty quarters.  She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this isolated, and the walls of her quarters seemed to close in on her.  She could swear she was becoming claustrophobic.

"Computer," she said finally, her own voice seeming to echo off the walls.  "Access my personal music database.  Play…selection twenty-three alpha."

The soft notes of a Mozart piano concerto floated across the room, and she sighed and leaned back in her chair.  

Chakotay had suggested she join him on the holodeck -- some new program Tom Paris had engineered, a large number of the crew was going to be there -- but being around people made her feel more suffocated and closed in than the confining walls of her empty quarters.

Resolving to ignore her uneasiness, she returned to the report.  It took her twice as long as usual to peruse it, and she had finished her cup of coffee by the time she was ready for the next report.  She discovered that she had made her way through the entire stack beside her chair, so she gathered them up and rose from her chair to exchange them for another pile on her desk.

Halfway to her desk, a multitude of whispers abruptly surrounded her and she had a sudden flash of being on a Borg cube.  She dropped the stack of PADDs and looked around in alarm.  The whispers and the vision evaporated as suddenly as they had appeared, and she knelt down to pick up the PADDs with trembling hands.

The chaos of whispers returned again, louder, and before she could even look around she found herself on a Borg cube.  The whispers became a loud turmoil of shouting that was deafening to her ears.  Her surroundings came into focus, and she found herself staring at the Borg Queen, who was circling her with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"I think I'm going to enjoy having you here, Captain," she hissed.

It all faded abruptly, and she collapsed on the floor, incapacitated by a sudden flood of emotions.  She sat there, gasping for breath, trying to control the fury of thoughts and feelings that overpowered her.

The chime on her door echoed through the room with an unnatural volume, and she looked up, startled.  It rang again before she found her voice.  "Come in," she stammered.

Chakotay entered and looked around momentarily before he saw her sitting on the floor next to the scattered PADDs.

"I dropped them," she explained quickly before he had a chance to wonder what was going on.

He chuckled and moved over to help her gather them up.  She set them on her desk, still trying to hide her agitation.

"I came by to see if I couldn't change your mind about coming to the holodeck," he said as she arranged the PADDs and searched around for the stack she wanted to go over next.

"Not tonight.  I still have quite a bit of work to do."

"Why don't you come spend an hour or two on the holodeck and I'll give you a hand with those reports."

"That's very generous, but I'll be fine."

He paused, trying to decide whether or not to push the issue.  She had been systematically avoiding any interaction with the crew since her recovery, and he knew she spent most nights in her quarters reading reports.  "Kathryn, I really think it would do you good to relax for a few hours."

"I'll _relax when I see fit, Commander," she snapped.  When she saw his hurt and surprised reaction, she sighed and squeezed the bridge of her nose between her fingers.  "I'm sorry," she sighed.  "I just don't feel like it tonight.  I've got a splitting headache."_

"Maybe you should get the Doctor to give you an analgesic."

"Oh, I'm sure it won't last long."

He reluctantly started to leave.  "If you're sure."

She nodded.  "Well…good night, then."

"Good night, Kathryn.  Sleep well."

With that, he left her alone and the oppressive silence descended on her again, the music notes playing softly in the background.  _Sleep well.  She sighed.  The truth was, she hadn't been sleeping well at all, and she counted herself lucky that he hadn't noticed yet._

She really was getting a headache now, so she gave in and threw the PADD in her hand down on the desk, scattering the neat organized piles.  What she needed was a nice hot bath…then she would call it a night.

She only hoped her sleep would be undisturbed.

*    *    *

The holodeck doors slid open and Chakotay stepped through them to find himself in some sort of log cabin.  There was a large fireplace at one end of the large room, and he could see mountain ranges out the window.

"Well?" asked Tom, approaching him.

"What is it?"

"A ski resort in the Canadian Rockies.  What do you think?"

"Not bad."  He followed Tom across the room to the table where B'Elanna was already seated.

"You should try some of the slopes," said Tom as they walked.  "They're fabulous.  The equipment's right over there if you're interested."

"I take it you couldn't talk the Captain into joining you?" B'Elanna asked as they sat down.

He shook his head.  "She said she had work to do.  Then she said she had a headache."

"It's like she's avoiding us," said Tom.

"I think that's exactly what she's doing," said B'Elanna.  "I swear she hasn't said ten words to me since we rescued her."

"She seems withdrawn," agreed Chakotay.  "But she may genuinely have work to do.  I can't tell."

"If you can't read her, Chakotay, nobody can," offered B'Elanna.

"I haven't been able to read her for weeks.  It's like she's…"

"Still a drone?" offered Tom.

"No…"

"It's like she's Vulcan," muttered B'Elanna.

Chakotay looked up at her in surprise.  "That's exactly what she's like.  It's like she's not experiencing emotions at all."

"She did have a mind meld with Tuvok," said Tom.  "Maybe some of his Vulcan discipline rubbed off on her."

Chakotay nodded.  "I'll talk to him first thing tomorrow."

*    *    *

_We are the Borg.  Resistance is futile. _

Captain Janeway flinched and jerked her head violently in her sleep, beads of sweat on her forehead.

_Your biological distinctiveness will be added to our own.  Our minds will become one._

She awoke with a piercing scream and sat in her bed trembling, covered in a cold sweat.  She lifted up her hands in front of her face.  She could still feel the nanoprobes moving under her skin and through the rest of her body.

She jumped out of bed, her breath coming in rapid, irregular gasps, and stumbled across the room.  She leaned against the dresser, and in a sudden fit of rage swept her arm across it, throwing everything on it to the floor with a resounding crash.  Her chest heaving with uncontrollable sobs, she sank down to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest, overwhelmed by sudden terror.

Her breathing eventually slowed and the flood of emotions subsided abruptly, leaving her with the cold, empty numbness that she was slowly becoming accustomed to.  She looked around at her disheveled bedroom.

"What's happening to me?" she whispered to the walls.


	10. Defenses

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER TEN: DEFENSES

Chakotay waited until the Captain had retreated to her ready room before he rose from his chair and made his way over to the security station.

"Could you join me in the conference room?" he asked.

Tuvok arched an eyebrow but nodded after a few seconds.

"Tom, you have the bridge," said Chakotay as he and Tuvok moved towards the conference room.  When the doors shut behind them, Chakotay walked slowly over to the windows, then turned around.

"I'm worried about the Captain," he said finally.  "I want your opinion."

Tuvok discretely hid his surprise.  "On anything in particular?"

Chakotay sighed and crossed the room again, standing opposite the Vulcan.  "Have you noticed any unusual behavior from her?"

"The Captain seems more reserved than usual, but I have not noticed anything out of the ordinary."

"She hasn't been avoiding you?"

"On the contrary.  I have found that she has sought me out more than usual since her recovery."

That surprised him.  "She's talking to you…_more than usual?"_

"I believe so.  Why do you ask, Commander?"

"She's been avoiding the rest of us.  B'Elanna says she's barely spoken to her, and she seems restrained with me."

"I cannot say that I have noticed any alteration in the Captain's behavior."

"Then you must be the only one."

"However…you believe the Captain is more restrained than usual?"

"That's right."

"Then I do not believe it is likely that I would notice such a change.  Although the Captain is usually open with me, she is also normally quite reserved where her emotions are concerned."

"Is it possible that her behavior is an after-effect of the mind meld?"

"I do not believe so.  Any effects of the meld would not have lasted more than a few days."

Chakotay sighed deeply.  "I just don't know what to do to reach her."

*    *    *

B'Elanna was pleasantly surprised when the doors to the turbolift opened and she found Captain Janeway waiting in the corridor.

"Captain!" she said pleasantly.

The Captain merely smiled as she joined her in the turbolift.  "Deck three," she ordered when the doors closed.

B'Elanna watched the Captain, waiting for her to say something.  When the silence still hung in the turbolift, she cleared her throat.  "We've fixed that problem with the gel packs on deck twelve.  It looks like there was some kind of power surge that overloaded them."

The Captain nodded but gave her no further acknowledgement.

"Have you spoken with Axum at all?" B'Elanna asked after a few seconds.

"No, I haven't found the time yet."

"Well, he's making himself vary useful in Engineering."

"Glad to hear it."

"He's a lot easier to get along with than Seven was at first," she added with a smirk.

The Captain chuckled but didn't answer.  The turbolift stopped on deck 4, and B'Elanna stepped towards the door, turning around before she left.  "You should drop by the holodeck later this evening.  Tom's designed a fabulous skiing program."

"Maybe some other time."

B'Elanna was taken aback by her cold tone and the turbolift doors shut before she had a chance to say anything more.

Captain Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose as the turbolift started moving again.  A piercing headache was stabbing in her temples, and she was overcome by a sudden feeling of panic.  The feeling subsided after a few seconds, and the doors opened on deck three.  She made her way down the corridor and entered her quarters.

She had only taken a few steps inside when she was bombarded by voices.  She closed her eyes and fell to her knees with her hands covering her ears, trying to block out the chaotic noise.  She had a sudden flash of B'Elanna in front of her, dematerializing.  She reached out, trying to touch her, but her fingers swept through the last remaining molecules as B'Elanna disappeared in front of her.  She could feel the cold metal of the exoplating against her skin, the implants digging into her body.

She had to get to the shield controls.  Or the transporter.  There had to be some way of getting off the cube.

_You underestimate me, Captain.  I don't intend to let you get away that easily._

The voice of the Borg Queen in her mind made her blood run cold.

_The neural suppressant, she thought, her mind racing.  __It's wearing off._

As suddenly as the cube had appeared, it vanished and she was back in her quarters, slumped against the wall inside her door.  Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her hands trembled as she ran her fingers through her hair.  The rush of throbbing emotions subsided, and she slowly rose from the floor.  She made her way across the room and collapsed in a chair.  The thumping of her heart gradually slowed, and she covered her mouth with the back of her hand.

She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw something, she wanted to cry…but she couldn't.  Once the flood of violent emotions subsided, they left an empty void.

And she had never felt so entirely alone in her life.

*    *    *

_Seven of Nine to the Captain._

"Go ahead, Seven."

_We are receiving the data transmission from Starfleet._

"Acknowledged."  She rose from her chair and nodded at Chakotay to follow her to the turbolift.

"Deck eight," she ordered as he stepped in beside her and the doors closed.  She turned to him once the lift started moving.  "Refresh my memory…when was the last transmission?"

"About three days after we rescued you."

She nodded.  "So Starfleet knows everything."

"Everything except that we successfully removed your implants.  But from the Doctor's optimistic report they probably expected that."

She nodded again, deep in thought.  The turbolift stopped and they strode down the hall to Astrometrics without speaking.

Seven and Icheb were decompressing the datastream when they entered.

"Report," ordered the Captain.

"Seventy-four personal messages for the crew, so far," Seven told her.  "Including one for you, Captain."

She took the PADD Seven offered her as Chakotay looked over her shoulder.  "From my mother," she said with a smile.

"Starfleet has also sent us suggested modifications to our shields, weapons, and several other areas."  Seven continued scrolling through the data.  "News bulletins from the Alpha quadrant, dating back to our last transmission.  There are also four messages from Starfleet Command for you, Captain."

She raised an eyebrow.  "Transfer them to my quarters."

"Yes, Captain."

*

Captain Janeway sipped from a cup of coffee and made her way over to the desk in her quarters with her PADD in hand.  She sat down and pulled her terminal towards her, accessing the Starfleet transmissions.

The first was a communiqué from Admiral Necheyev, requesting -- no, demanding -- an account of her experience with the Borg.  After violently reprimanding her for 'provoking the Collective' for at least two pages, Necheyev wanted details of her 'ill-advised, reckless endeavor'.  She wanted tactical information, a psychological profile of the Borg Queen, a projection on the effect of the 'revolution' on the Collective…the Captain removed the message from the screen with a sigh, leaning back in her chair.

The next message was from Admiral Hayes.  He was less demanding, but he wanted the same thing.  This time, it was her perspective on assimilation and her experience after she was rescued.  He wanted her to work with Seven -- or, as he called her, 'your Borg officer' -- and the Doctor ('your EMH') in developing strategies to combat assimilation or assist in the future rescue of assimilated Starfleet personnel.

Her brain was pulsing against the confines of her skull, and she tried to massage away the throbbing ache with her fingers.  She moved on to the next message, and her stress level receded when she saw that it was from Owen Paris.  He didn't want anything from her, he was just concerned.  He wanted to know how she was holding up.  He reminisced about some of the times she had gotten herself into scrapes while serving with him on the Al-Batani, and he told her that he knew she would pull through.  _If anyone can face down the Borg Collective and come out of it without a scratch it's you, Kathryn._

She smiled and looked at the last message, frowning when she saw who had sent it.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

She had only met Captain Picard once, although she knew him by reputation.  Curious, she began to read, wondering what had possessed him to send her a message through Headquarters.

He claimed that he had heard of her experience from his contacts at Headquarters, and he thought it might be helpful if he shared his experience with the Borg.  She smiled to herself -- she had never thought of Picard as the sentimental type who would go above and beyond for someone he didn't even know.  Risking his ship, maybe…but revealing something this personal?  Perhaps his reputation for being reserved and private was undeserved.  

This possibility seemed to grow in likelihood as he launched into a painfully detailed account of his assimilation, but the Captain didn't get very far before she became uncomfortable and shut off her computer terminal.

"I'll read them later," she muttered to herself.  Starfleet probably wanted her reports to be sent back in the next transmission…but that was in less than eighteen hours and there was no way she would be able to finish that quickly.  It would just have to wait.

Her eyes fell on the message from her mother and she felt a pang of guilt.  Her mother would worry if she didn't respond.  She pulled the message up on the screen and began to read.  It was her mother's usual concern for her, heightened of course by the news that she had survived assimilation by the Borg.  She wanted to know that her daughter was all right, whether she was taking care of herself…it brought a smile to Kathryn's face.  She wrote a brief message telling her mother that she was just fine and left it at that.

"I'm fine," she said out loud, as if saying it would make her believe it.

*    *    *

"I've never seen her act like this," insisted B'Elanna as she circled the table on the Holodeck.  Tom's log cabin was empty except for some of the senior staff, who were all sitting around a table with grim expressions on their faces.  "I'm telling you, something's wrong."

"I agree," offered Harry.  

"So do I," said Tom.

Chakotay sighed.  "All right, I think we can all agree that her behavior has been…altered…since we rescued her.  What I'm looking for is an explanation."

"What explanation do you need?" demanded B'Elanna.  "She was assimilated.  Isn't being assaulted and victimized by a bunch of heartless drones reason enough?"  She stopped pacing momentarily.  "No offence, Seven."

Seven raised an eyebrow.  "None taken.  I happen to agree with your assessment of the Captain's altered behavior.  However, you may not like my explanation of it."

"And what explanation is that?"

"In the Borg Collective, emotion is irrelevant.  Drones do not experience emotion…and it is entirely possible that this explains the Captain's behavior.  Her personality may have been irrevocably altered by her experience.  She may have retained part of the Collective despite being disconnected."

"You mean she'll never return to normal?" asked Chakotay.

"I can't be certain.  It has been…difficult…for me to experience emotion on the same level as the rest of you.  It is not an ability that I possess in abundance."

"However," pointed out Tuvok, "You were assimilated as a child and were a part of the Collective for eighteen years."

"But you have noticed a difference in the Captain's behavior?" asked Chakotay.

She nodded.  "I believe that the Captain has been avoiding me."

"Me too," said B'Elanna.  "Whenever I try to talk to her, she just…"

"She answers concisely and terminates the conversation as quickly as possible," finished Seven.

B'Elanna put her hands on her hips with surprise.  "That's exactly what she does."

"Have you been able to draw any conclusions from your mind meld with the Captain?" Chakotay asked Tuvok.

"I believe she has repressed the experience.  I took a great deal of effort for me to reach her, and her subconscious was chaotic.  Coupled with my observation of her, it seems you are correct that she is refusing to deal with the experience."

Chakotay turned to the Doctor.  "Have you been able to find any explanation for her behavior?"

"Conclusive?  No…however, I believe my original diagnosis may have been correct.  I just don't have enough information to back it up."

"What original diagnosis?" asked Tom.

"I speculated that the Captain may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder."

"How would we know?" asked Chakotay.

"There are a wide variety of symptoms…patients often experience hyperarousal.  They believe they are under constant threat of attack, they become irritable and explosive, and have trouble sleeping and concentrating."

"That does not sound like the Captain's recent behavior," said Tuvok.

"No two cases are alike.  There can also be what's known as intrusion, where the patient experiences vivid flashbacks of the traumatic event.  These are often accompanied by overwhelming emotional responses."

"That doesn't sound right either," said Harry.

"The Captain has kept to herself for the most part," said Seven.  "We can't be certain she is not experiencing flashbacks."

"The third set of symptoms is what caught my attention," continued the Doctor.  "Patients often avoid close emotional contacts and distance themselves from others."

"Sound like anyone we know?" asked B'Elanna.

Chakotay nodded solemnly.  "That does fit the picture."

"Tuvok," said Tom suddenly, "Didn't you say the Captain was talking to you _more than usual?"_

"Correct."

He arched an eyebrow and looked around the table.  "What better way to avoid emotional contact than talking to a Vulcan?"

"This is hardly a sound diagnosis, Doctor," said Seven.

"But it's a start," interjected Chakotay.  "Now.  What are we going to do about it?"


	11. Release

DISCLAIMER: You all know the drill - Paramount is God.  All hail Paramount.  They own everything in the Star Trek Universe - I'm just using my overactive imagination to take their characters where they refuse to go.  All in the name of fun, not profit (I wish).

ORDER AND CHAOS

CHAPTER ELEVEN: RELEASE

The chime echoed through her quarters, startling the Captain.  She folded her book closed and sat up in her chair.  "Come in."

Chakotay stepped in tentatively and their eyes met.  "Anything interesting from home?"

She forced a smile.  "Starfleet wants information on the Borg, of course.  And my mother wants to make sure I'm not skipping breakfast."

"Well, I see you're working hard on your replies."  

He was smiling, but she could tell from his penetrating gaze that underneath his joking sarcasm he was serious.  "I didn't think I would be able to get the reports for Starfleet done before it was time to transmit the datastream so I decided to wait."

"Didn't you expect that they would want a report?"

She eyed him warily.  "It didn't come as a surprise, no."  

He moved farther into the room and took a chair facing her.  "But you didn't prepare your report ahead of time?"  He could sense her becoming defensive.  This wasn't going to be easy.

She stared back at him.  "No," she said curtly.

He watched her for a few more seconds, then leaned forward with a sigh, his elbows resting on his knees.  "Kathryn…I think it's time you dealt with what happened to you."

He could see her entire body tense up.  "I don't know what you're talking about."

"The hell you don't.  It's been over a month and you haven't said a word about what you went through.  You're avoiding me, you're avoiding the crew, you're avoiding writing up reports to Starfleet…"

"You concern is noted, Commander, but -- "

"Stop it, Kathryn," he snapped.

She started at his tone.  "Stop what?"

He leaned closer to her and lowered his voice.  "_Commander.  You haven't called me by name once, __not once, since we rescued you."_

She stared back at him, speechless, her expression neutral.

"You haven't been yourself," he added softly.

Her barriers were starting to show cracks as she rubbed the side of her head.  "I haven't felt like myself," she said quietly.

"Then tell me about it.  Talk to me, Kathryn."

She closed her eyes and shook her head.  "I can't."

He reached over and took her hand.  "I want to help you."

"You don't understand," she said, her voice wavering, "_I can't!"  She tore her hand from his and jumped up, turning to the window.  "I can't think about it, I can't write a report about it…I can't even look B'Elanna in the eye."_

He frowned -- it appeared that B'Elanna's suspicions had been correct.  "Why B'Elanna?"

She didn't turn around.  "Because her face was the last thing I saw before…before I was assimilated.  And Seven…"  She sighed.  "I know she means well, but I can't look at her, or Axum, or Icheb, without…"

He sighed.  "Kathryn…we're all here to help you."

She didn't answer.  As she stared out the window, the familiar mass of voices returned and she gasped, putting a hand to her head.

He rose from his chair and moved towards her.  "Kathryn?"

The thunderous chaos of voices was deafening, and she thought she cried out.  Suddenly, she was standing in the Unicomplex, and the Borg Queen was circling her.  There was an image of Voyager on a viewscreen…but it wasn't the only thing she was watching.  She could feel countless minds, all working together.  She was in a thousand, a million places at once.  She had no individual will, no thoughts of her own.  She was submerged in a sea of endless voices, with no way to get out.

"Voyager could still pose a significant tactical treat," hissed the Borg Queen.  "What should we do with them?"

She could hear her voice but had no control over the words.  "Federation vessel.  Intrepid class.  USS Voyager.  One hundred and forty-one life forms.  Their biological and technical distinctiveness will be added to our own."

"And what if they resist assimilation?"

"Resistance is futile."

She screamed, horrified at her own coldness.  A rush of violent sensations incapacitated her as the vision faded, and she wasn't aware of anything but the intense waves of emotion.  They pounded against her, one after the other, until she could hear herself screaming for them to stop.  Images from her assimilation hit her in rapid succession, fragmented and distorted.  She gasped, overwhelmed by the onslaught of memories and sensations.

Then she became aware of something else.  Someone had their arms around her, comforting her.  She pulled them closer.

Chakotay gently stroked her hair.  "I'm right here, Kathryn," he said for the third time.  He didn't know whether she'd heard him.  As soon as she had cried out and collapsed on the floor in hysterics, he had moved over and tried to talk to her.  She wouldn't respond -- she seemed to be hallucinating.  She had her knees pulled close to her chest, and he sat behind her with her arms around her.

She finally opened her eyes, and when she turned her head and looked at him her eyes were clear and focused.  They were swimming with tears, and after a few seconds she turned around and buried her head in his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Chakotay," she sobbed softly.

He held her tighter.  "It's okay, Kathryn.  Let it out."

She choked out another sob and pulled him closer.  "Help me."

*    *    *

Captain Janeway tilted her head obediently to the side as the Doctor pressed a hypospray against her neck with a soft hiss.  He withdrew it and she rubbed her hand over the tingling area on her neck.

"This should inhibit your REM sleep and prevent any more nightmares," he continued as he attached a cortical inhibitor to her temple.  "But it's only a temporary solution.  After more than two nights without REM sleep you'll start to feel the effects."

"I'll be grateful for just one night of uninterrupted sleep."

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, dressed in her peach nightgown, as the Doctor and Chakotay stood opposite her.  "You should have come to me sooner," complained the Doctor as he packed up his medkit.  He was about to continue reprimanding her lack of concern for her health, but Chakotay caught his eye and shook his head slightly.

"Well," he said, clearing his throat.  "Sleep well, Captain."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"You're welcome.  Computer, dim lights to five percent."

Chakotay followed the Doctor out of her bedroom and accompanied him into the corridor.  "What happened?"

"Looks like you were right," said Chakotay.  "I confronted her like we decided and she admitted she had been avoiding the crew.  She said she hadn't felt like herself.  Then she just collapsed on the floor in hysterics.  It seemed like she was hallucinating."

"She may have been experiencing memories of her assimilation."

"It seemed much more serious than that, Doctor."

"You'd be surprised.  I've read that flashbacks in people suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome can be so vivid the patient is essentially reliving the experience.  These flashbacks are usually accompanied by a flood of emotions."

"That sounds about right."  He thought for a moment.  "So now that we know what's wrong, what do we do about it?"

"I'm not sure.  I'll start going through the database and try to devise some kind of treatment."

*    *    *

_Captain's personal log, Stardate 54235.7 - For the first time since my return to Voyager, I actually feel like myself again.  My meditation sessions with Tuvok have helped me deal with the emotions that have been surfacing, but Chakotay has been the most help.  Our talks always leave me feeling calmer and more at peace with what I went through._

Chakotay sat patiently on the floor across from Kathryn, watching her in deep concentration.

"Breathe slower," he said softly.  "Focus on the sound of my voice."

She complied, slowing her breathing as she sat cross-legged in front of his medicine bundle.

She felt her surroundings start to slip away.  She was somewhere dark, warm, and comforting.  Chakotay's voice was barely audible, but it acted as an anchor as she slowly drifted away from her quarters.

His voice became quieter, then underwent a subtle change.  She tried to make it out, but it dropped to a whisper.  Then, the whisper grew louder.  There were two voices…then five…then ten…then more than she could count.

The voices didn't belong to Chakotay…they were Borg voices.  She tried to control her rising panic as the voices began to smother her.

"Kathryn?"

Chakotay's voice finally cut through the chaotic whispers, and she was brought back to her quarters.  Her hand jumped back from the akoonah as if shocked.  She looked up at his concerned face.

"Are you all right?" he asked gently.

She covered her mouth with a shaking hand and slowly rose from the floor.  She walked over to the window and leaned against it with one arm, looking very unsteady on her feet.

He waited patiently, and after a minute she turned around, running her fingers through her hair.  "I just can't shake this," she said, her voice trembling.  She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth, her fingers quivering.  "It's like they're still inside my head."  She abruptly balled her hand into a fist and slammed it against the wall.  "I should be able to get past this."

Chakotay stood up and moved over to stand next to her.  "You may be stubborn, Kathryn, but not even you can use willpower to make the aftereffects of assimilation just disappear."

She smiled slightly and turned her head to look at him.  "Now I know why you've always been apprehensive of the Borg.  It's…."  She trailed off, unable to put the feeling into words.

Chakotay rested his hand on her shoulder, silently encouraging her to go on.

"I never saw this side of it before," she continued softly.  "To me they were always just a faceless, ruthless enemy.  I never realized how they could so completely take away your identity…."  The rest of her sentence never came out as she choked out a sob.

Chakotay stepped forward and took both her hands in his.  "They can't take that away from you, Kathryn."

She collapsed weakly against the wall and slowly slid down until she was sitting on the floor with her knees tucked up to her chest.  Chakotay knelt down, remaining level with her.  She slowly rested her head on her knees, and after a few seconds her shoulders began shaking softly with muffled sobs.

Chakotay put his arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her closer to him until her head was resting on his shoulder.  She remained there in silence for several minutes.

"Do you know what my last thought was?" she whispered.

"Hm?"

"When I was assimilated," she explained.  She took a deep breath before she continued.  "The last thing I remember… is you."

He frowned.  "What do you mean?"

She flashed him a wry smile.  "I was on a Borg cube, Voyager was in danger, and I was being assimilated… and the only thing I remember thinking about was you.  How you were right to warn me against it… how you would be devastated… how many regrets I had."

Chakotay was at a loss for words and remained silent.

"Afterwards," she continued softly, "when I was back on Voyager… it was all such a blur.  Nothing seemed real.  I thought I was dreaming, or hallucinating, or still on the Borg cube."  She smiled and reached up to trail her hand gently against his face.  "You grounded me.  You were the only thing that made sense.  The only voice that got through… the only thing that kept me going."

He swallowed the growing lump in his throat.  "Kathryn…."

"I don't know what I would have done without you."

He reached up and gently pulled her hand away from his face.  "Kathryn, you've been through a lot.  I don't think -- "

" -- that I'm thinking clearly.  That I know what I'm saying.  That I've thought this through.  But you aren't listening to me… I wasn't able to see clearly until everything else was silenced."

Before he was able to say another word, she leaned forward abruptly and kissed him.  He resisted at first, but she wrapped her hands around the back of head and pulled him closer.  He felt the warmth of her breath in his mouth, and he gave in and returned the kiss, reaching up to entwine his fingers in her hair.

When they finally broke apart, neither of them spoke.  Their understanding was that complete.  Chakotay gently pulled Kathryn towards him, and she rested her head on his shoulder in silence.

After a few minutes, she smiled contentedly and closed her eyes.

The voices were gone.  There was peace at last.


End file.
